b3ta.com user dazzyboy
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» Out of my depth

Also in Australia
I was scuba diving on the barrier reef in australia -my first time, and i was crapping it as I'm not a strong swimmer but I didn't want to admit this to my Australian girlfriend. She just naturally assumed I could swim quite strongly (however us brits don't have the strongest focus on swimming in schools and growing up in Rhyl my aversion to swimming in the sea is quite apparent!). Anyway after going through equipment check and checking every thing and doing them test things in the water with the instructor the time came to 'dive' to the sea bed. I found this difficult I just could not sink...no matter how much my legs flailed and kicked i would not sink - not a problem...extra weightage applied on tank - sinking achieved!!

Everything was going 'swimmingly' (sry)apart from me not being able to then keep myself afloat from the coral - all the extra weightage! Luckily the instructor did not see this or I would have been hauled out of the water.
Anyway things were going fine untill I spotted a reef shark!! They're not huge but still it's a fucking shark!
I was shitting myself at this point and clamped my jaw so hard that I bit through my regulater mouth piece. I knew this because I swallowed the piece of rubber than was keeping the thing in my mouth.The regulator shot out of my mouth and I then really started to panic but still did not want to lose face in front of my girlfriend, managing to retrieve the stray regulator I carried on for another twenty minutes trying to swim with one arm whilst holding the regulator to my mouth in the other.

Never did it occur to me to use the spare regulator!!!
(Mon 18th Oct 2004, 16:41, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Sunday Chav
I used to work in a nice pub in Worsley Manchester and one tuesday dinner time a group of chavs walk in and sit down at a table...taking the candles from the fire place and placing them on their table for what effect i don't know. Anyway one of the pack comes up to the bar to order the food for his clan and exclaims that he would like the sunday roast.....I politetly explained that it was Tuesday and we do not do a Sunday roast on a Tuesday we only do it on a Sunday...he then proceded to tell me that it was 'Well out of order' and that it was 'False Advertsing'!!

'Shot at birth' and 'should have been'!!!?
(Sun 9th Jan 2005, 15:16, More)