b3ta.com user wilesy
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Profile for wilesy:
Profile Info:

I am a "freelance" journalist. I live in that London.

5 fascinating facts about me:
* Bill Gates once publicly denied a rumour I started
* I once shared a taxi with a female cast member from "Family Affairs" but was too drunk to remember which one
* I once heard Trevor McDonald do something terrible to the words "Kent countryside" on News at 10
* I'm afraid of balloons
* I've written a book.

All true.

Hate mail, book deals, declarations of undying passionate love etc. should be sent to wpwiles a't magicaldesk d'ot com

My blog

Gallery of sorts

Recent front page messages:

Here's another one

edit: my first fp! Thanks folks!
(Fri 30th Jan 2004, 6:43, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Lies Your Parents Told You

My parents never told me any porkies of note
But once a friend came to stay the night. The next morning was a saturday, so I jumped out of bed to watch the cartoons and Timmy Mallet. He asked me what I was doing, so I said I was going to watch TV, and he said "but there is no TV in the mornings".

So I proved him wrong, and demonstrated his parents were fibbing. They must have got a seriously bad time when he got home.
(Fri 16th Jan 2004, 23:27, More)

» Slang Survey

At university
(never a good way to start an anecdote), everything seemed to be either "random" or "blatant". These words had no meaning, so conversation sounded like this:

A: How was the party?
B: It was really random. C kept making blatant comments.
A: Really? Random.
B: Blatant.

Result? none the wiser. I'm so ashamed.
(Sun 1st Feb 2004, 18:15, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

A lie I told my girlfriend
Apart from all the obvious ones that boyfriends tell, I once told her that "vol-au-vent" was French for "death package". She believed me.

I also told her the collective term for (computer) mice was "meeces", "because calling them mice would be stupid".

I can't wait to have kids.
(Thu 22nd Jan 2004, 14:03, More)

» Breakin' The Law

Close call for tokers.
In my final year at college, I lived in a room on the ground inside the main entrance arch, opposite the porter's lodge. Myself an two friends had spent several hours relaxing with a large amount of high-quality resin one evening when one announced that she was going home.

Three minutes later I had a phone call from the friend who had just left in a state of total panic.

"I don't want to freak you guys out," she said, "but there are more police officers than I have ever seen in the Porter's lodge."

Assuming she was overreacting, I opened my door a crack and looked out. Sure enough, there were at least nine coppers in the lodge and under the arch, barely two or three metres from my front door.

My friend and I went into a spasm of sheer terror and crashed about my room concealing drugs and related paraphenalia. But the air still reeked of dope, so we emptied a whole can of air-freshener into the atmosphere and switched the CD in the player from Dr Greenthumb to Beethoven.

In a state of intense paranoia and breathing air heavy with class-b narcotics and Autumn Glade, we sat there in dead silence for at least two hours, listening to the Beethoven, waiting for the knock.

The knock never came. It turned out an escaped convict had been sighted in one of the gardens. The Pastoral Symphony still causes flashbacks.
(Fri 9th Jan 2004, 17:50, More)

» Irrational Fears

As I've mentioned on my profile for a while, I'm afraid of balloons. They give me the creeps. I have no idea why.

This also means I'm afraid of lightbulbs, and rightly so - glass balloons with the potential to electrocute you? It's like some sick nightmare for me.
(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 13:50, More)
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