» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

My friend is in a wheelchair
And we were on an night out and we got really drunk.

He asked my what he was like the next day, I told him he was "Paraletic"

Didn't go down well at all.
(Tue 20th Apr 2004, 22:34, More)

» My Worst Vomit

I went to a party after a dinner.
At the dinner, I didn't like potatoes, but decided to swallow them whole.

I went back to my friends grans house for a house-party(She was on holiday). Being very tired, I decided to go to bed.

This is the result:



I puked whole potatoes.


I woke up staring at the Pope! It scared the shite out of me. Needless to say, I let the bastard host by a new mattress :)
(Thu 19th Aug 2004, 21:23, More)

» Shit Stories

I think I might qualify.
I was playing Gran Turismo on an endurance race. I didn't want to move, as I was lazy and pulled my kaks down and shat on the floor. My ass itched like buggery for the rest of the match.

And a minute ago I went to the toilet and I farted and it splatted all over the side and a big chunk came out my bum and I was almost physically sick with the pressure.
(Wed 5th May 2004, 22:33, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

My dad once told me
That my Uncle who was in the TA had his legs blown apart - apparently, he tied them back together with shoelaces.

He also told me about when my Uncle ate a sandwich with radiation in it - apparently he was a giant sandwich for the day.

I also grew up to believe I was a descendent from the Zulu's - although he never told me the truth on that one. So maybe...
(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 15:06, More)

» Irrational Fears

This is serious now
I am not making this up, i've had this long before the B3ta/Weebl craze. I am terrified of Badgers.

I was told at a young age that they pounce on you and eat your neck.

I now get shivers when anyone mentions Badgers.
(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 14:39, More)