b3ta.com user Boss Mew
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Profile for Boss Mew:
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Old as Balls
Lurking on B3ta since 2001

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» Stuff You've Overheard

Overheard in a Maidstone shoe shop
(Mum with a young son, talking to friend in shop)

Mum: "...Yeah we're going to see his dad later"

Son: "My dad's in prision!"

Mum: "Do you have to let everyone know!"
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 19:18, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

I burnt my arse via a meat-based drink
A member of my family used to have a liking for bowls of Bovril - that popular beef beverage - with chunks of bread soaked into it.
Not the most fancy of meals I know, but then again he was a bit of a cunt.

One day he made said 'meal' in a large pyrex dish and left it on a dining room chair while he got a spoon.

Enter the five year old me not looking where I sat down

One slightly scalded, beef flavoured Boss Mew arse, a pissed off hungry family member and squishy bovril infused chunks of bread clinging to my rump

Luckily there was no permenant physical damage. Although I've never drunk Bovril since
(Wed 19th Jul 2006, 8:41, More)

» Terrible food

Stew a la chav
My sister told me one day of the 'lovely' meat stew her family had had the previous sunday

Her secret?

Using the cold meat from a takeaway donor kebab which her bloke had brought the previous night...

Beat that Delia!
(Fri 18th May 2007, 1:37, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

Asleep on the throne
After my uncle died my aunt stayed at 'Chateau La Boss Mew' for a bit.

Maybe it was the grief but she had the worrying habit of watching the TV until at least 3am. And at rather a high volume.

Because my bedroom was directly over the living room the echoy strains of crappy films kept me awake at night.

As a result I use to keep falling asleep on the toilet during the day.
An unfortuate side effect was that when I woke up I couldn't walk for 5 minutes due to the lack of blood in my little legs.
(Fri 29th Dec 2006, 11:06, More)

» Inappropriate crushes

The list of my crushes is both long and embarassing...
...but the strangest one was when I was a toddler.

I had a crush on The Hulk.
Not of the 'Hogan' variety.
Or Bill Bixby.
I truly loved the big green fella who went 'Rarr!' a lot and threw people about.
I even had a Hulk doll that I took to bed with me.

*cue sad Hulk end credit music*

I still have the doll but have lost the longing for a big, green, angry, musclebound, gamma-ray-accident-created mutant.
(Fri 29th Sep 2006, 2:37, More)
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