» Shit Stories

when i was a baby, inexplicably
my parents decided to take me in a hot tub.
one with the swirly water. round and round.
and it was communal at the hotel they were at.

the other inexplicable part, is that me and my nappy were parted.
i shat.
it went round and round.
everybody out.

i dont remember this as i was a baby, but it is brought up at every available family occaision. i'm almost proud.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 0:27, More)

» Irrational Fears

cows
terribly terribly afraid of cows.
on D of E trips we sometimes would have to walk through a field with cows. i had to have my entire group surrounding me to get through the field. my dad told me they are scared if you clap and shout, so when the group paused to read a map (bastards, i told them not to stop) i was just stood like a loony, clapping and shouting. (i was shouting "clap and shout"). i didnt die that day though.

it's not an irrational fear though because sometimes they do stampede and people die under the millions of cloven hooves. agh.

milk is a-ok though. and steak. i eat steak with pleasure because i have won.
(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 14:12, More)

» People with Stupid Names

I know a Rachel
Stickels.

Letters arrive for R. Stickels.

/sniggers
(Fri 27th Aug 2004, 12:29, More)

» Pet Names

I was a geeky child
I went through a really-liking-history phase (dont we all) and was particularly interested in explorers of the world.

So when I got a cat it was called Columbus Nina Pinta Santa-Maria. That's *obviously* Columbus and his ships.
I refused to abbreviate for a while.
(Wed 25th Feb 2004, 14:42, More)

» Strange things you've been paid to do

it wasnt a job, but i
got a shiny pound for licking a random sock in the university laundry room.

it had come out the other end of the dryer but was a tad linty.

then my friend (minus pound) turned it over to find a name tag. and she told him. cow.

but i got to buy things so its ok. :D
(Thu 30th Sep 2004, 17:45, More)