b3ta.com user StevieMcK
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» Vandalism

When you go out to a french ski resort with 2000+ uni students...
...the temptation was just too much.

Length? About 100ft
(Wed 13th Oct 2010, 14:45, More)

» Teenage Parties

Sex, lies and a videotape
6th year at school, one of the girls decides to have a party as her folks are away for the weekend. Half the year turn up and drunkenly cram into the house. The bedrooms are full, the bathroom is full, there's even folk making good use of the hall cupboard. Then it all starts going down hill. One of the rugby boys thought it would be a good idea to start tackling folk as they walked by... until he missed his victim and put his head through two layers of plaster board from the living room into the kitchen.

Someone then decided it would be cool to smash open a video tape and wrap it between two trees in the back garden.... turned out to be the only copy of the sister's wedding video.

In due time the police arrived, only for the house to empty with people jumping out of windows to avoid getting their names taken. In true WWF Wrestling style, about 8 of us ran at the back fence thinking we could just lean over, place a hand on the other side and simultaneously flip over it with our feet flying up over our heads... at least that was the plan until the entire thing collapsed.

On Monday morning we then found out that the neighbours called her parents, who drove back to find her on her knees in the kitchen with some guy... tousers round his ankles.

Appologies for the length, but that's the shortened version.
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 16:42, More)

» The Police

M5 on the M25
Not one that I can take credit for, but an incident my brother got involved in last Christmas.

Staying at his girlfriends parent’s house over Christmas, they had booked into one of these activity centers in Sussex for the day. So at 5am he found himself on an empty M25, in a shiny new BMW M5 that belonged to her Dad. As you do, as soon as he pulled onto the slip road onto the M25 he decided to floor it and see how the car handled. “30… 60… 90… 120… 150… Was that a police car on the bridge??? Bugger!”

Sure enough, a traffic car on the overpass lit up like a Christmas tree and came screaming onto the motorway. With a good head start, my brother did the manly thing. He slowed down and tried to hide in a row of cars trundling along at 65mph. Within a minute the police car went screaming by them. However, they soon realized what had happened and moved back out into the fast lane and started drifting back along the line of cars until they found him.

Pulling over, he didn’t even give the police the chance to walk up to the car and instead go out and walked back to the police car.

“Do you know why we’ve stopped you?”

“Eh, I may have been going a wee bit too fast officer”

“Do you know how fast you were going?”

The dreaded question, do you admit guilt and see if you get off with it, or do you lie through your teeth.

“I don’t honestly know, I looked down and saw I was doing over 100 and got a fright” was his reply…but then came a stroke of genius

“In Jersey there’s not a big enough road to even come close to that kind of speed. I didn’t realize how quickly it happened in this car”

At that point he said you could see the smile wiped off the two cop’s faces.

“Jersey? Do you live there?”

There then followed a discussion about the jurisdiction of UK officers and the fact that there was feck all they could do about endorsing his license. The only other option was to charge him with dangerous driving (which wouldn’t really stand up in court, it being a deserted Motorway at that time in the morning).

After getting back to the car and explaining what happened to his slightly pissed off girlfriend, she then turned round and said…

“I thought you still had your UK driving license!”

“They never asked about my license, only where I lived.” was his answer.
(Thu 22nd Sep 2005, 15:57, More)

» Awesome Sickies

No point in risking it
I injured my back last Feburary (it was one of those scare the sh*t out of you feelings when I couldn't move around after it happened). After a night of tests in hospital the doctor signed me off for 2 weeks, saying it was nothing more than a really bad muscle tear. I was pretty much laid up for most of my line.

Another line for 2 weeks followed, giving me a chance to get back on my feet, get out and about and generally chill out. I was feeling fit enough to go back to work, but why let that get in the way of another sick line.

I done the old dodgy walk routine in the Doc's surgery expecting another week off. However he though another 2 weeks was wiser... just to be sure. "There's no point in risking it" were his exact words.

So what did I spend my next two weeks doing? Snowboarding up north and genreally throwing myself down mountains while being paid for the privellage. At least I knew my back had recovered after all that.

Risk it?, of course. Worth it, absolutely! Length?, 6 weeks free holiday
(Fri 9th Jun 2006, 13:47, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Blood injuries
A few years back my local rugby team got through to the BT Shield final at Murrayfield. It was a huge day for most of the guys getting to play at the national stadium. As the game went on, the team were getting kicked up and down the park.

Everytime a blood injury happened, the same substitue stripped down and went onto the park, while the bleeding player was patched up. This happened 4 or 5 times during the game...

From that day onwards he's been known as The Tampon.
(Fri 19th May 2006, 14:44, More)
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