b3ta.com user useful_idiot
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Profile Info:

I am useful_idiot, queen of self-shoppery. I may only be 19 20 21 22 years of age, and have a somewhat pink and flowery profile, but don't let that put you off.

I rock. And I have a certificate to prove it. Yes, while we're on the subject, I am semi-famous/infamous for having had pictures of my very naked breasts posted on /talk. At least I got a certificate out of it!

I can be contacted via. MSN or just good old fashioned email on washington underscore laura at hotmail dot com. Please try and type in standard English or I will brand you a retard.

Things I like:

  • Purple

  • The Cure

  • Painting

  • Fluff and sparkles

  • Cows and cow print things

  • Alcomahol - in particular Jack Daniels, Guinness and real ales

  • Tea

  • And orchids, obviously

If you're nosy, this is what I have been listening to recently:

(click on the thingy for more information such as my favourite artists, in case you didn't already know)

I keep pretty up to date on facebook. You may also wish to have a peek at my photos on flickr. I also play The Rockstar Game, which is quite funky, so have a look at that. More importantly, I make jewellery, so see what I'm flogging on eBay right now, I need the money...

Me with my boyfriend fiance husband (as of May '09 - sorry, chaps!), whose brother you may know as devil duck. My interesting fact for the paragraph. Here is a picture of the three of us on Halloween. I'm actually terrified of clowns, so it was an interesting evening...

We've occasionally been known to collaborate on things too, here's an example:

Me, with domo's face - a really, really old 'shop, but I like it, so in it goes. I don't really do many pics anymore.

My site of arty-farty gubbins can be found here. Do have a look as it's rather fabby (if I do say so myself), and sign the guestbook as I like to know when b3tans have been looking at my site.

An example of my painting, I'm dead chuffed with this one!

Oh, and you can look at my wonderful catalogue of B3ta images here, and here.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» I was drunk when I bought this

I think that would explain the existence of this
I'm not getting drunk again until this auction has finished.
(Thu 9th Jun 2005, 17:28, More)

» Running away

I can't believe it's taken me all week to remember this
A few months ago my parents were clearing out a load of old papers and found this:

In case you can't read it very well, it says:
"Dear Dad
I am getting married
this is a goodbye letter
Love from your
Darter (sic)
I love you so much
I will cry"

I don't know how old I was, but it must have been during the period I was obsessed with the Disney film of The Little Mermaid. My dad now keeps it in a tankard thing on our fireplace - I think he wants to show my boyfriend in the event we get engaged. Great...
(Thu 17th Aug 2006, 15:41, More)

» Asking people out

My one success story
Right, after the complete failure of my last story I swore off men altogether. Fast forward to age 16, I started to pull myself back together, my regular GP came back from his sabbatical and immediately recognised what was wrong as he had known me and my family for years (there's a lot to be said for a GP who actually knows you - since moving I've not seen the same GP twice at my new surgery and I'm distinctly unimpressed), went on anti-depressants and shed the weight I'd put on, and then some (a bit too much, in retrospect). I started coming back into school part time with the help of my remaining friends, and although it was too late for me to stand a chance of even passing most of my exams, let alone get the straight A's I'd been predicted, I'd kept up with my Art coursework while I was off as the painting was therapeutic, so I managed to sit that exam and pass. I started going out to gigs occasionally, and had met a whole bunch of great new people who didn't know my history so I could start off with a fresh slate (that is, apart from the rumours that had gone round that I'd been off because I was pregnant - fortunately none of them had believed it, as I was such a blatant virgin, and were good enough never to mention it to me). One of the gigs I went to was a band of guys in my year called Sanity Departed. I got chatting to the drummer afterwards about, well, drumming, and we became friends.

I went to our school leavers ball alone. I'd asked a couple of male friends to escort me just so I didn't look like a complete loser, but they had already made similar arrangements with other friends, so I bit the bullet and turned up alone, in my mum's Ford Fiesta. Exotic, eh? I spent half the evening queuing for my official photo (again, alone - I'd been due to be in a couple of group shots but the photographer decided there were too many people, and I got chucked out of both - let down by my friends there!), so I ended up being last on the list. I somehow ended up seated opposite L, the tosser from my last story, at the meal, and he spent the rest of the evening trying to throw balls of tissue paper down the front of my dress. I rose above it and decided not to make a scene, so I buggered off to dance with my mates. During the course of the evening, I scored an invite to the aforementioned drummer friend's after-ball party back at his house. I persuaded my dad to take me after a quick change into t-shirt and jeans (and to pick me up again at about half 3/4 in the morning - to this day I'm still amazed he agreed, but I think he was just pleased to see me socialising again). I'd never been to one before, but his house parties were legendary - his house at the time was just perfectly laid out, there was always plenty of beer, good tunes, and great company. I got a little drunker than I should have, and ended up spending a good deal of the evening trying to suck the drummer's face off. Yep, I had my first kiss that night. It was one of those teenage parties where everyone was snogging everyone (haha, snogging, I've not used that word in years!). I was wearing black lipstick, and by the end of the evening, it was mostly on my chin and a couple of other guys' tongues. Including the bassist in the drummers' band, who is the guy this story is really about. As I recall, I stumbled on top of him as he was lying in the middle of the lounge, we made out, swapped phone numbers, and went on our merry way, thinking nothing of it. He mostly just remembers waking up on the floor with a black tongue. I think it was probably a good calling card!

I had zero regrets about the whole thing, and felt fantastic that people had liked me and found me attractive. I still felt a little too fragile to hook up with anyone on a long term basis, so I didn't make a move on anyone. I actually fancied the drummer a little more at that point, but he actually had a girlfriend in the year below at the time, so that wasn't going anywhere. However, they split up a little while after, and both drummer and bassist worked their way into my inner circle of friends. They were both a great laugh and I liked them both, and it soon became clear that they both liked me a lot more than I thought. They both knew I wasn't ready for anything, so they just kept it friendly, thankfully. After about a month of toeing around the subject (felt like so much longer at the time), I invited them both over for a post-exams party. Well, I invited a few people, but they were the only two that turned up, as there was a rival party going on. And they turned up late and slightly pissed, as they had already been to the other party. As the evening wore on, my attentions turned more towards the bassist. I'm still to this day not quite sure why, guess it was just some sort of animal magnetism, but by the end of the evening I was making out with him on my bed, and drummer boy was sat in the corner, mucking about on my kit as some sort of distraction.

We met up a few more times in town, just the two of us, before making it "official". We were sat on a bench in the park behind the library, our favoured quiet spot, just talking and kissing. I said "so... I guess we're, er, sort of going out now?", to which he replied, "if you want to". I smiled, kissed him again, and just said "yeah".

Fast forward 6 and a half years on, we've not been apart since, have bought a house together and got married in May. Hooray for happy endings! He always insists he was just more persistent in pursuing me than his drummer friend.
(Wed 16th Dec 2009, 15:29, More)

» Urban Legends

The old McDonalds semen in the mayo one
I heard it about the one near me a while back after it had been closed for the weekend for "health and safety reasons". Now, at the time, my boyfriend worked there, so I asked him about it. No way someone could spunk in the mayo, he said, it's thoroughly sealed until it gets squirted into the burgers with one of those polyfilla-type guns, and it would be impossible to have a sneaky shuffle into a burger due to lack of space and privacy in kitchens and on the counter. All well and good, I was relieved.
The reason why the place was shut all weekend? The smell from the open sewer in the kitchen was too bad. He took this picture on his phone to illustrate:
Mmmmm... nicely detailed
This sewer was frequently open while the place was serving food, not even 3ft from where they were cooking the burgers. Yuck.
(Sat 7th Jan 2006, 19:56, More)

» Missing body parts

Mildly embarrassing, this
But seeing some of the other posts I though I might as well share it.

To briefly explain, I get bouts of really, really bad eczema - my skins blisters up, goes crusty and just becomes unbearably painful and itchy. Unfortunately, this often afflicts my nipples, and it's not really the done thing to frequently get your tits out and rub cream all over them as I have to do (although I'm sure some people wouldn't object), so I tend to have to leave them be most of the time.

Rewind to about... ooh, five years ago? when I just started to suffer from it again for the first time since childhood. Joy. It was the middle of a really hot summer, which always makes my skin bad, and I couldn't sleep due to the constant pain and itching. Eventually I just got so fed up with my cracked, bleeding nipples I decided it would be a good idea to just get it over and done with and... cut them off with a pair of nail scissors. I think I may have been driven a bit nuts by the lack of sleep and such. All the affected skin gone with minimal pain, I bandaged the lot up and settled down for the first decent nights sleep I'd had in weeks. Next morning, remove dressing, and the tips of my otherwise brown nips are now pink, and a wee bit shorter than they were.

As an aside, the eczema's never spread to the sticky-outy bits since, and they're about 10 times as sensitive as they were previously, which has it's bonuses...

Edit: Also, prior to this post, I'd only told about two people about this. Ah well.
(Tue 6th Jun 2006, 17:47, More)
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