» Ripped Off

Armed Robbery
Years ago, went to the local sporting goods dealer to purchase a pistol (because i'm a bad-ass!) Told the salesperson i was happy with a particular model, and he wrote up a receipt for me to take to the front register. I'm standing at the check-out with a handful of cash; the girl dutifully rings up the item as written and asks for X dollars. I pass her the requested amount, puzzled by the fist full of cash I still have. As I return the receipt to the salesman, i examine the paperwork ... in longhand the gentleman had marked down the correct prices but made a $300 error in the total. Being that there is a 14 day waiting period before i can actually pick up my new toy, i pocket the cash with the intent that if they can discover the discrepancy in 2 weeks I'll fork over my assumed windfall -- but 2 weeks later I've got the gun AND the money!
stick 'em up!
(Wed 21st Feb 2007, 2:35, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

forks in my eyes!!!!
a friend at the office hands me a stack of photos - "check these out - my vacation pics from last month"

great ... there he is at some random locales ... big deal ...

wonderful ... he's swimming at some ordinary pool ...

OMFG he's lounging in the pool on an inflatable raft, and he's F'ING NAKED

i did not need to know that his groinal thatch was redder than that on his dome

i'm sticking forks in my eyes so that i will never again see anything like that
(Mon 1st Jun 2009, 19:38, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Sorry, I guess some people aren't affected
A girl I worked with knew I was a total nerd/innocent/sweet-little-kid, and wanted to try an experiment ... what's it like the first time someone gets high? I knew she was good people ie she wouldn't hurt me, so I agreed to be a guinea pig.

I went to her place - me, she, and her hubby watched a movie and passed around a few fatties. "So tell me - how does it feel" asks she. I answer quite honestly that I don't notice anything different. We all share another, followed by another bout of quizzes (same answer)

Time for me to leave - she apologizes for the failed demonstration, and I offer the theory "Maybe I'm one of those who aren't affected"

I hop in my car for the ride home, fire it up and start down the street (It's around midnight, so this neighborhood is quite - no traffic). I notice something funny - the parked cars on both sides of the road are "approaching" me in sort of slow-motion, then zooming past me as I drive by...

I murmur a Keanu-like "whoa" -- so this is what being high is like -- I better slow down so I could live to relate the story in the morning

I look down at the speedometer ... 20 mph
(Tue 20th Dec 2005, 5:30, More)

» My first experience of porn

the "real" thing
i had sneaked peeks at the old man's Playboys, with the cuties carefully posed so no pubes were visible - very hot in the 60's

one day i'm across the street at Jeff's - his neighbor is on a business trip and Jeff is watching the house - meaning Jeff has free run of the place

we go over and he digs out this book - "check this out" - holy crap! that girl has got WHAT in her mouth?

i mean, really, how can you not like that?

it remains my favorite subclass of the genre
(Fri 26th Jan 2007, 1:58, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Lies my friends told their little brother
my buddy & his next-younger brother told their youngest bro - who was about to go get his tonsils removed - that the doctor was going to stick him with this REALLY BIG needle and then SCRAPE his throat out with razors --- so the kid is in the room when the nurse brings in the tray of instruments, one of which is the hypo of anesthetic - and little brother goes into shock --- Mom & Dad had a few things to say about that ...
(Fri 16th Jan 2004, 19:18, More)