» Near Death Experiences

aparently i ate rat poison and had to have my stomach pumped when i was about 2
same thing happened when i was born, cept instead of rat poison it was poo, yum
(Sun 28th Nov 2004, 15:38, More)

» Local Nutters

the invisible nutter
well it goes a little something like this:
me and some friends were having a barbecue on the beach, we started at tesco's and took all our gear in a trolley, borrowed from tesco's car park, all the way along the small (20ft high) cliff, to the small path which went down the beach, nice and secluded so we could burn things and not get told off and stuff and i'm ranting... anyways, after we had finished burning the last of our rubbish and blowing up deodourant cans, we went back up to the top of the cliff where had left our trolley, and we found the whole undercarriage of the trolley was gone, posing 3 questions:

a)why would some one want the undercarriage of a trolley? (the bit that connects the 4 wheels to the trolley and eachother)
b)who would be looking for one along a cliff in the middle of nowhere?
c)who carries around a hand saw capable of hacking through 15mm of steel?
d)how come we couldnt hear them doing it? we were never more than 10 feet away from where we had left the trolley...
e)how were we gonna get the barbecue and stuff home?

we did manage in the end, but we still dont understand...
(Wed 22nd Sep 2004, 17:15, More)

» Shit Stories

oh yeah
when we first "aquired" our cat (ask me if i'm on the board one day) it must have eaten twigs or something cos for about two days it calmly milled around with a twig sticking two inches out of it's bum, i was almost tempted to just grab it witht eh tips of my fingers and pull it out, but my active imagination convinced my otherwise, anyways, it was gone eventually
(Thu 6th May 2004, 22:16, More)

» Best Comebacks

i was having an argument with my friend's little brother (about 14 years old)
about who won a stupid game, and we were goin on for ages about who was the winner, and then he said "i bet you cant even spell winner" to which i triumphantly replied "G-E-N-E" (my name) and he sat there stunned, needless to say, i was the winner
(Thu 29th Apr 2004, 19:20, More)

» Pure Ignorance

not so much overheard, as asked
my mum's friend came round and asked me to put the contents of a CD-ROM onto a floppy disk. I kept my composture and tried soooo hard to explain that it wouldnt happen. She was adamant, she claimed that because the game (which came free in cereal btw) was on a CD-ROM it didnt work, and that by putting it onto a floopy, it would. I then proceeded to give her a little demonstration with the numbers on the computer and a tiny maths lesson... about 600 MBs of data won't go onto a 1.4 MB disk, turns out it wasnt working because thier computer is ancient, this is the same lady who doesn't trust smart cars at all for the reason that they "smell funny" and so has discounted them as a good solution to pollution and congestion...

absolutely no apologies for girth, you know you like it like that ;)
(Tue 11th Jan 2005, 21:34, More)