b3ta.com user Fuzzy Mornings
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» I hurt my rude bits

Due to a freak accident, I got chewing gum stuck in my pubes. If you've ever got chewy stuck in your hair, you'll know it's nigh-on-impossible to get it out, so I thought I'd just leave it there till I got home. However, with every step I took, the evil mass of gum drew in more pubes, pulling them tighter and tighter until I was wincing as I walked.

I had to shave them all off when I got home.

A little more length is always nice.
(Fri 14th Jul 2006, 15:12, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Vegetarian Ham
I became a vegetarian at the wise old age of 11. My dad used to buy "vegetarian ham" for me when I stayed with him. I even remarked that "it tasted just like real ham". It was only when I was 27 that he pointed out that there was no such thing (well, not back in those days anyway).
(Thu 22nd Jan 2004, 16:29, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

Oh Pants
My little brother was about 8 at the time. He had a face like thunder in coming home from school one day. Turned out he'd lost his pants after swimming and his jeans had been chaffing his little-boy-bits all day.
(Fri 14th Jul 2006, 15:45, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

It's that t**t Timmy Mallet
Not so long ago I worked for an ISP. Timmy Mallet called for technical support. The tech agent put the phone on mute and shouted to his mate "hey, it's that t**t Timmy Mallet". Only he didn't put the phone on mute. Timmy Mallet got free membership for a few years.

Oh, and I broke Philip Schofield's PC. Oops.
(Fri 16th Apr 2004, 13:46, More)

» You're a moviestar baby

Lots of scenes were filmed outside my old flat in Bristol. I once walked into scene. Realising where I was, I announced 'shit' very loudly. I probably would have been on TV if I had kept quiet and carried on walking.
(Wed 17th Nov 2004, 13:27, More)
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