b3ta.com user HappyBadger
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Profile for HappyBadger:
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Go to 3lliot.com. Please note: I am not him.

Recent front page messages:

"If we're vewwy, vewwy qwiet...
...we might be lucky enough to see a flying sqwiwwill."

Evening all!
EDIT: Oh, Magic Donkey, you are the loveliest!
(Thu 3rd Jul 2003, 22:17, More)

Afternoon/evening all!

Have a Richard and Judy Race!
EDIT: My mostest praise yet, thanks everyone, woo to you all!
EDIT 2: My first front page! Thankyou magic donkey!
(Wed 18th Jun 2003, 17:20, More)

Best answers to questions:

» I just don't get it

I just don't fucking get why they have people doing very bad impressions of foriegners on the voiceover for McDonalds adverts. War, famine and injustice can rage around me but nothing makes me as furious as a baffling advert. Just thinking about it makes me want to pull my trousers down and smash things up with my butt.

Also, my mate Elliot finds nearly everything baffling.
(Sun 3rd Apr 2005, 10:58, More)

» Shit Stories

I know someone
who keeps a poo diary. It's the best thing I've ever read.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 18:15, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

A few weeks ago I was driving home from my girlfriends before going to work.
It's about a 45 minute drive usually. As soon as I got into the car I knew I had a severe chocolate hostage situation that could only end badly. I thought to myself, "come on old chap, you can make it home, it's not that long..." But this was no ordinary shit, it had The Rage and wanted to see the world.

I'm pretty certain I got an idea of what contractions must feel like for preggers women. They came every few minutes and I had to concentrate so hard to hold the shit in that I was all over the road.

It actually got to the point where I thought quietly to myself, "would it be that bad if I actually shit myself in my car?"

I didn't make it home. But luckily, I didn't shit myself either - there was a McDonalds at the side of the road about 30 mins into the journey. I sprinted in and was undoing my trousers while running through the restaurant. I literally only just made it. It was fucking heroic. It felt amazing to be finally free to let rip and I destroyed that pan.

Also, my mate Elliot keeps a meticulous poo diary that I highly recommend.
(Thu 27th Mar 2008, 19:08, More)

» How I Skive Off Work

I hardly did any work for weeks while i made this website. Quite frankly I have no idea why I haven't been sacked yet.
(Wed 27th Apr 2005, 22:16, More)

» It was a great holiday, but...

I remember
being trapped inside a small hut in Malaysia a couple of years ago by a giant lizard. There was only one way out and he was blocking it.

Also, last year I witnessed my mate Elliot being brutally attacked by an Emu in Australia. It was awesome/awe-inspiring.
(Thu 21st Apr 2005, 22:37, More)
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