b3ta.com user vbloke
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Recent front page messages:

Star Potter: The Next Hogwarts

(Tue 12th Feb 2019, 12:00, More)

This is the self-preservation society

(Mon 29th May 2017, 8:06, More)

damn post office strike

edit: FP'd! woo and yayness to the donkey of magic.
(Fri 31st Oct 2003, 13:59, More)


clicky for flash version

edit: Yay! Frontpaged!
(Tue 11th Mar 2003, 18:09, More)

Calvin and Hummus

clicky for big
(Fri 23rd Aug 2002, 10:51, More)

History is a matter of perspective...

(Tue 20th Aug 2002, 8:51, More)

Since David Copperfield walked through the Great Wall of China...
after one practice attempt, David Blaine trys to fly a plane through a building...

(Fri 24th May 2002, 11:45, More)

bloody scuba cats

(Wed 15th May 2002, 8:49, More)


Darth McMaul
(Fri 3rd May 2002, 12:22, More)

my imaginary friend

(Mon 15th Apr 2002, 8:09, More)

I knew this would happen one day, the damn fools!

(Thu 4th Apr 2002, 4:02, More)

the love between a bear and a penguin is beautiful thing to behold

(Wed 3rd Apr 2002, 3:42, More)

free world tshirt

(Wed 27th Mar 2002, 2:27, More)

cat hell shirt

(Mon 25th Mar 2002, 11:01, More)

furtive strikes again

(Mon 25th Mar 2002, 10:44, More)

my tshirt

(Mon 25th Mar 2002, 2:39, More)

Star Wars Episode 1 The Furtive Menace

(Tue 19th Mar 2002, 4:44, More)

more top tomfoolery.

(Mon 18th Mar 2002, 10:51, More)

the bastard son of Jamie Oliver and TungDog

(Mon 18th Mar 2002, 5:13, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Lies Your Parents Told You

ahh, childish innocence...
I once asked my father (a venerable sage of wisdom and other useful information) why nut, bolts, screws, etc were marked as either "metric" or "imperial".

"Ah," came his sage-like reply, "this is because metric is a new invention, designed to standardise international sizes."

"But what about imperial?" asks I. "Why did we change?"

"It was a long time ago" said he, "the Imperial measurement was invented by the emporer; and only he knew the exact size. When the Death Star blew up, the knowledge was lost, so we had to invent some new measurements. All the imperial nuts and bolts you see now are the last ones made before he died."

I believed that for years...
(Mon 19th Jan 2004, 23:56, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Another gem
told to me by my father was that if you put a record on a turntable and set it spinning *(a record, for those younger members, is what we used to have before CDs)* at say 33 1/3 rpm, if you mark a point on the outside of the record and one on the inside of the record and watch them, the point on the outside travels further than the point on the inside. Therefore, two points on a piece of plastic travel at different speeds, even though they do the same rpm (therefore: speed). He said that this was against the laws of nature, but it worked because nobody noticed.

I didn't sleep for weeks trying to figure it out.
(Tue 20th Jan 2004, 22:14, More)

» Slang Survey

There are two that I can recall from my misspent youth in Manchester
Bobbins: meaning that something is crap. ("That's bobbins, that is")

The sound of a thousand bananas being peeled: the sound of masturbation.
(Sun 1st Feb 2004, 20:31, More)

» Evidence that you're getting old

seems to be something "them youngsters do"
and it now seems to take me a good hour to wake up in the mornings (even though I've not been drinking the night before)
going bald
developing a paunch and a double chin
enjoying cocoa
I've even started listening to Gardeners Question Time!
most of my friends have started families
feeling closer to people in their 40s and 50s than teenagers
noticing that the year doesn't seem as long as it used to - time speeds up as you get older
I ache more
haven't argued with my parents in years
can't outrun bouncers anymore
but at least my alcohol tolerance seems to go up with each passing year...
(Thu 28th Oct 2004, 13:38, More)