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» Accidental innuendo

You what...
Was walking the dog when I bumped into my neighbours, a wonderful lesbian couple of later years. They had recently gotten a new puppy and were gleefully telling me about its mischief and destruction, when one of them bends over to ruffle my dogs' ears and cheerfully asks him -
" I bet you don't eat the carpet, do you? "

Fortunately I was only 20 feet from my local, so stumbled in and collapsed unable to explain myself. Bless.
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 17:09, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Lying twunts
Till I was about nine, mine had me believing everything was black and white before 1940 and that's why their were no colour films.
Oh, and that I was the dogs child not theirs and was known as Fang. This ended abruptly when an Aunty [of the 'not your real aunty' variety] realised that at three years old I no longer responded to my real name.

I'll bury them eventually.
(Fri 16th Jan 2004, 19:15, More)

» Pet Names

Bubbling under...
Had an Australian Crayfish, or Blue Lobster called Knuckles.
Evil little bastard, ate all the interesting fish, but did shed his skin every six months which leaves you with a nice empty lobster model.

Mates got a lurcher called Hoover, cos the bugger eats everything.

That count?
(Fri 27th Feb 2004, 16:11, More)

» Slang Survey

I've recently been enjoying the phrase "she had a coupon like a plasterers wireless"...
Bearing in mind 'coupon' is Scottish for face, this is a sight that can be witnessed on websites less urbane than this.
(Tue 3rd Feb 2004, 21:57, More)