b3ta.com user el_meerkat
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» Stuff You've Overheard

In a filled resurant
that suddenly went quite a lady from accross the room said "So did he use handcuff or scarfs".

Every table pissed themselves.
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 0:22, More)

» I witnessed a crime

I got held up in an armed robbery
I worked in a spar type shop with my flatmate at university. One Monday we had, had absolutely no one in so we had the shop ready for close bang on 10pm and sauntered off home. Walking past the alley way the back of the shops backs onto and spotting a car full of blokes. We continue our journey, all of about 50 yards back to our house when the car appears, slamming on its breaks behind us and two of the guys jump out brandishing rather large knives. They told us to get in the car and I was rather shocked and told him where to go. he replied that my mate was in the car and that I didn't want to leave him alone. So in I got.

They drove the car to the back of the shop and demanded the back door key to shop. We pointed out that we only had the key for the front, so eventually my flatmate took one of them round the front to open up the back door from the inside. At which point the silent of alarm should have gone off (as he had typed in the closing code). Eventually the back door is opened and in we are chaperoned.

They told me to sit on the big metal box and then demand to know where the safe is. I pointed out that I was sitting on it. Eventually we are pushed into the front of the shop to empty the ciggy counter and give them the top shelf whisky. We also handed over the phone cards as they where getting pissed off they couldn't get in the real ciggy counter out back, and that they couldn't get into the safe. They also went for the float, which was all 2ps and 1ps due to the slow nature of that night.

Eventually they put us in the kitchenette out back, pulled the door shut and stacked crates of beer against the door. Unsurprisingly the door gave in over the weight. We waved at them the said if we came out they'd stab us. We stayed there until we couldn't hear the car and did the whole calling the police business and didn't get in till very late that night.
(Sat 16th Feb 2008, 11:09, More)

» Premonitions

I couldn't sleep the night before the
berlin wall came down,
the day before the first Mc Donalds opened in Russia and the night of the 10th of September 2001.

However I had an ace nights sleep the night Diana died.
(Fri 19th Nov 2004, 17:49, More)

» Council Cunts

Salford V Manchester
It once took Salford Council a year and a half to work out my council tax bill, with estimates varying from £67 to £1400. Eventually they settled on a value of which I payed off half and setup a direct debit for the second. The direct debit didn't go through. I moved house and they took me to court. I didn't know until afterwards. So had to pay court fees too, when I re-found out about the whole thing.

Then Manchester spent 6 Months deliberating on how much was needed, and they where impossible to get hold of! When arriving at a decision they told me I would have to pay twice as much for 6 months to make up for the money I hadn't already paid.

But not to be out done Salford put the killer blow in poor performance in with a request for council tax payments from 6 years ago! Despite the fact they should have had on record I was a student. I've since proved this and now hopefully they'll leave me alone.
(Thu 26th Jul 2007, 22:39, More)

» Weird Traditions

My Climbing club has a few.
Including getting the new chairman to hang upside down and down a pint; before he is allowed to be chairman official. The the new and old treasurers have to try to remove each others socks. We have a climbing helmet of doom(tm) which is passed down to the perpetrator of the biggest epic of the year.

Games of secret charades are played on the first trip in October and human pyramids are built out of the freshers too.
(Sun 31st Jul 2005, 0:07, More)
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