b3ta.com user fineart
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David, London

fineartdavid at hotmail dot com

Things I made (are down there for some reason. I'm too lazy to work out why.)

 ...an' ah really lavved 'er, you know ...
maybe this one will come home for me ...

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» Claims to Fame

Custard fight
A couple of weeks ago I was taxied to BBC Television Centre at 7:30am, dressed up in a cowboy outfit and took part in Dick and Dom's Creamy-muck-muck Wild West food fight. Live on BBC1. Very proud.
(Tue 1st Mar 2005, 12:05, More)

» My Worst Vomit

delayed action
Having started drinking gin at 11 o'clock in the Students Union, and already being very drunk, when they eventually threw us out 12 hours later we headed to the New Cross Tavern. Unless you visited before the refurb (it is now a kind of bling bling Yates's wine lodge) you won't know what a horror/wonderful place this was. Think From Dusk til Dawn, then add punks, goths, hippies, rastas... I left the Tav at about 3am and staggered home for some well earned sleep.

The following day I felt as if I had been run over by a train and spent most of it (from 4pm when I got up) in front of the tv feeling decidely out of sorts. At about 7:30pm my flatmate took pity on me and made me some fishfingers chips and peas. I managed about two mouthfulls before I realised what was happening. Dashing for the toilet I managed to get as far as the bottom of the stairs before the gin popped out to say hello. Then again half way up. Then again at the top. Needless to say I wasn't popular. Still a 16 hour delay is quite impressive and I'm still proud to have held it down that long.
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 11:40, More)

» Have you ever started a fire?

I put some toast under the grill...
...and wandered back into my bedroom. I saw the CD which a friend had sold me and decided to give it a listen. About ten minutes later I heard my flatmate shout at me very loudly. Turns out the toast was still on. The flames and heat had also managed to set the chopping board on fire. My chopping board was on top of the grill. It was also extra flammable because I had rubbed oil into it. Apparently it makes it last longer...

The thing which topped off this small fire was the firemen from the fire station opposite stood outside laughing. Did they even offer me a bucket of water? Did they bollocks.

I set fire to the kitchen in my halls of residence too. I put a KFC with secret silver foil into the mirowave.
(Thu 4th Mar 2004, 13:02, More)

» Dad Jokes

Christmas pudding
clearly bought from a supermarket. Halfway through, he always "finds" a pound coin in one of the mouthfulls. He then leaves it on the table next to his bowl and when everybody has finished, expresses surprise that nobody else "found" one.
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 11:09, More)