The dangers of flying
Nohands had finally grasped how to fly and was thoroughly enjoying himself...

..unfortunately no one had told him to avoid international flight paths.
(Sun 27th Jul 2003, 20:47, More)

» Jobsworths

Free bars and waiters
A few years ago (pre dot com boom) I was working for a small software firm as a lowly programmer. We'd just completed a particularly tricky project on time, so we decided to celebrate. I was given the job of arranging the do. It was to be a bit posh, we'd get the client along for a staged photo and there would be lots of champagne etc.

So I cleared out our biggest room and arranged for a local catering firm to provide food and a free bar. At the time I never wore a suit, I usually wore jeans. Everyone else at the do was wearing a suit, so I felt a bit out of place. So I started helping myself to the free booze and kept a low profile. A young spotty waiter spied me and assuming I was a gate crasher, he asked me to leave. I told him I worked there and I was a guest. He looked at me suspiciously and walked away. A few minutes later he returned and repeated his request for me to leave, even going as far to try and prise the glass from my hand. I said "Look, I'm the one who boooked this party, I'm paying the bills, I really am meant to be here". Again, he eyed me suspiciously and walked away. So what does he do? He went and got the police to have me removed. After I explained to the policeman who I was and even getting the company owner to vouch for me, the policeman apologised to me and then went over for words with the waiter, who later dissapeared, no doubt his employment hit a sudden end.
(Fri 13th May 2005, 11:22, More)

» Job Interviews

I've got quite a few
1) While in an interview for a small software development firm, I was asked if I had any questions. I asked "What sort of software do you develop?" (the company was very secretive). The interviewer responded "I couldn't possibly tell you that, its a trade secret". I quickly realised I didn't want to work there, I don't like companies with delusions of grandeur.

2) I was interviewing someone for a labouring ACE (Old NI versions of what is now New Deal) job at a charity I was on the committee of. The candidate wouldn't answer my questons, but kept saying "are you giving me the job or am I going to beat yer face in". Thinking he was trying to avoid getting the job, I told the DSS. Later I met him in a pub and he was really pissed off, aparently he really did want the job, but had a funny way of trying to get it.

3) I once applied for a job a few years back, where the interviewer walked in to the room with his leg in a cast. He told he was run over by a bus, but it would take more than that to keep him off work. Clearly his painkillers were sending him loopy, his eyes were glazed over and he kept nodding off. He also asked me "Do you like that Fergie, nice mi**ge?".

4) I don't like silly job application processes, those being the ones where you are asked odd questions and asked to do silly tasks becasuse the recruiter is trying to be clever. I applied for a graduate job with a well known blue chip firm. When I was asked to attend the assesment centre, I expected lots of psychometric tests and tough interviews. Nope, what I got was loads of Fisher Price toys and pusszles to play with. I lasted about an hour before going to the office where I found out we were being watched through a two-way mirror. I told them what I though of their process with the line "I'm 27 and I have some fucking pride, take your fucking Fisher Price shit and shove it up your fucking arse" and then I left.
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 13:38, More)

» My most treasured possession

Sad as it sounds...
My most treasured possession is my long deceased father's 1960 MkII Jaguar convertible. Yes, Morse's car.

Good for the 'ladeeeze', my Texan fiance loves it, But a pain to maintain - and drive (don't turn too fast, you'll need new pants).

I've even gone as far as buying a lathe and learning how to mill my own parts to keep this thing on the road. Goddam Lucas electrics, what an effing pain.

Thankfully the insurance is cheap. And most Gardas love me since I've let most of them drive it at some point ;)

Oh yes, I also own a silver pocket watch belonging to my great grandfather. I normally dress like its the 1930s and wear it everyday. Yes, that is odd for a .Net developer, but acceptable for Dublin.
(Sun 11th May 2008, 1:01, More)

» Pet Peeves

Opening the flood gates of opionion....
I have nothing against vegetarians as such. But when the 2 people out of the 150 going to my wedding insist that we lay on a full vegetarian buffet as a condition of their attending the wedding, I get a little annoyed. (it's expensive to do that for just 2 people)

People who play their MP3/iPods too loudly and then give you the death stare when you complain.

Justice Eamon De Valera for legalising begging in Ireland and allowing every chancer to sit on a Dublin street corner with paper cup in hand asking you for change. And ruining things for the genuinely homeless as a result.

Chuggers.

Bible bashers. Especially the one who went apeshit on me when I told him I was god and that he must bow down and worship me.

People who take ages to put their money/cards in to their purse/wallet after completing a transaction in a shop, especially when there is a queue.

People who spray stuff on me in department stores.

People who insist on getting on the train at the same time as people are tying to get off.

Betterware catalogues. No I wont go to the bother of leaving it out for you.

People who don't comment their code and then claim there is no need to comment well written code. If I can't understand the code easily, then it isn't well written.
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 14:21, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Fairy liquid
Back when I was at school in RE class, the teacher was telling us about AIDS. He said that if you had a sample of the virus in a petri dish something as simple as Fairy liquid could kill it, but once its in a host body it replicates and ends up killing the host.

This caused a fellow pupil to ask "So if you had AIDS you could cure yourself by injecting yourself with Fairy liquid?" To this day nearly 15 years later he still gets abuse for being so stupid.
(Sun 9th Jan 2005, 17:59, More)