b3ta.com user catbrain
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you love it
you lap it up
you can't get enough of it

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» That's me on TV!

Airport Security
I was nineteen and working airport security at Stansted. At the time I was sitting at a little desk keeping an eye out for passangers trying to get back into the Baggage Reclaim (which is technically a restricted zone.) I had been briefed that a film crew would be in the terminal filming stock footage of staff going about their business so when I spied the big camera pointing at me I did my best to act nonchalant (all the while thinking 'YAY IM GONNA BE ON TV!')

A couple of years later there was a security breach in another part of the airport with someone from the Daily Mirror getting into the cockpit of a parked plane with a flamethrower or something... another security company was at fault.

So there I was, sitting there watching the news report with my girlfriend and flatmate. The reporter's voice over saying something like 'calls for an inquest into this incident are underway after this embarrassing breach in airport security ' all the while showing the stock footage of me smiling vacantly.

'YAY I'M ON TV!' I shouted
(Thu 11th Jun 2009, 15:09, More)

» Famous people I hate

I’ve seen Chris Moyles mentioned here alot..
My own personal hatred of him is based purely on the fact that when he speaks on the radio I imagine him lying there, writhing in his own bodily secretions like a big fat slug, inhaling pies, cakes and faeces whilst simultaneously regurgitating into a microphone covered in his own spunk all the while surrounded by Salacious Crumb-like cronies who’s only purpose is to help the fat git choke to death on his own ego.

That feels better.
(Mon 8th Feb 2010, 11:07, More)

» Procrastination

Someone I know made a website...
and got everyone else to fill it with content. Including me it seems.
(Sun 16th Nov 2008, 13:00, More)

» Pet Peeves

Pee Followups
Gents: You know when you go for number ones:
you wait patiently until you're sure you've finished, shake it a few times to rid your johnson of any last remaining sprinklets...
put it away... aaand....

Happens to me too often
(Mon 5th May 2008, 9:52, More)

» My most treasured possession

REAL Souveniers
Bits of paint from the Golden Gate bridge, Gold Leaf from a sacred Buddist Temple, Chunks of the Gran Can, Rust from the Statue of Liberty and even a bit of Alcatraz. All in a little box under my bed along with various girlfriend's pubic hair.
(Mon 12th May 2008, 21:54, More)
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