» Have you ever paid for sex?

Ah yes.
A friend of mine got out of prison after a six month stint. Following rather a few beverages, me and other friend decided he probably needed to unload himself a little.

So, off we trot to the red light district and a lovely young lady approaches.

Give our mate the required £40 off he trots.

Only to re-appear about 10 minutes later, claiming: "I couldn't do it lads. She's got tits like me mums.".

Hmmm.
(Thu 19th Jan 2006, 14:52, More)

» Terrible food

Woof Woof!
This delightful tale took place back in the hazy days of my fast vanishing youth; when I was around 12 years old.

I had been invited round my "friends" house for dinner (and to be beaten up by his older brother). He had always been a bit odd but as he had been round mine for dinner it was only polite to accept.

I can't be arsed to flesh this out so I'll get to the point.

Dinner, was Spaghetti Bolognese. Made with dog food instead of mince.

It was not nice. I was brought up to be polite and make sure I eat everything on my plate. I did. The End.
(Fri 18th May 2007, 13:29, More)

» Best Comebacks

Not sure if this was funny or not...
I was walking through the glorious estate I live on one lovely summer eve. As I was meandering past a childrens playground one of the fine young ladies who were lurking there shouted "Get your cock out!". To which I replied "Get yours out!".

I was quite pleased at the time, not exactly the highlight of my existence though.
(Thu 29th Apr 2004, 15:04, More)

» Injured Siblings

My sister
used to beat me up all the time. After a particularly nasty session I told her that if she kicked me again I would bite her leg. I was lying on the floor.

She kicked me. I bit her leg. Hard. I didn't stop biting until I could taste blood. Through her jeans.
(Wed 24th Aug 2005, 13:50, More)

» Strange things you've been paid to do

I'm not sure if this
counts or not, but hey ho.

About two years ago I was in a pub with a mate one afternoon enjoying a couple of relaxing beverages. There was an old bloke sitting next to me at the bar who was absolutely off his tits.

This old chap decided to start talking to me, which I endured for about 10 minutes. During the course of the conversation, being a considerate chap like I am, I enquired as to how he was going to get home and where did he live etc.

After this short conversation he hoisted himself up, leaned on me, tucked £30 in my top pocket winked and said "See you in a few minutes then." before staggering out of the pub and off down the road.

Being the fine, upstanding person that I am, I of course had to go to his house and allow him to take me dry so many times that in the end my bleeding anus was providing its on lubrication.*

*Last paragraph may be a lie.
(Fri 1st Oct 2004, 9:29, More)