b3ta.com user 835Rocks
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for 835Rocks:
Profile Info:


Recent front page messages:


(Thu 19th Jul 2007, 0:12, More)

Best answers to questions:

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Waiter waiter!
I'll have a crocodile sandwich and hurry the fuck up!
(Tue 8th May 2018, 21:15, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

Frilly hat
Many moons ago I thought that it might be a good idea to train as a nurse. It wasn't, but of course I saw some colourful things while I was working in the hospital. Having miraculously completed my Elderly Care placement without seeing a single stiffy, I started my stint on the obstetrics (pregnant ladies) unit.
One hung-over morning, after a breakfast of coffee and fags, I stumbled merrily into the sluice room to see a surreal spectacle. A photographer stood grasping his camera and watching in disbelief as a nurse positioned the fat purple body of a baby on the floor. This baby had died inside its poor mother days before being extracted from her abdomen in an emergency procedure. The mother's immune system had reacted against the internal corpse and its skin was peeling and blistered and had the colours of rotting plums. Sad and horrible in itself, but it was the unit's policy to photograph all dead babies, in case the parents asked for a copy at some point in the future. For the hellish photo shoot, the little cadaver had been dressed in a frilly white gown and a tiny doily of a hat, adding just enough bizarre humour to sharpen the horror. The nurse and the vacant photographer were discussing how to keep the baby's blackened mouth closed long enough for the grotesque picture to be taken. [Shudder]
(Thu 28th Feb 2008, 11:22, More)

» Books

Plug of my own book warning!
The Book of Magic Bollocks, by me, seems to be going down well with the yoofs. However, it has the strap line "All magicians are wankers" so The Magic Circle don't like it much... Fuck 'em.

My favourite novel has got to be A Confederation of Dunces. Sprawling plot lines, great characters, piss funny.
Least favourite, The Lovely Bones (pile of dogshit that was).
(Fri 6th Jan 2012, 15:09, More)

» Performance

Me as The Great Sebastiano
Struggling at first, but they start to thaw for the big finish...

(Fri 19th Aug 2011, 15:32, More)