b3ta.com user John Doe
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» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

hot music teacher
at my school, called mrs brogden

my friend badger was having a conversation with me and a few other friends, his back to the rest of the playground. we were discussing teachers at the time

she walked up behind him, about to ask one of us a question about some music coursework, oppened her mouth and right on cue badger said something along the lines of he'd love to fuck mrs brogden in the arse and smear his shitty cock on her tits

her mouth didn't close, just hung there, face white with shock/terror

she walked off in the end without saying anything
(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 23:19, More)

» Shoddy Presents

my mate badger
got a kit-kat wrapper from his grandmother
it was one which went blue in the fridge and she thought he'd like it

he also get some jeans from his parents which they made him pay for
(Fri 24th Sep 2004, 16:14, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

cheese milk and fish are the only foods i can think of which taste mouldy when they're still fresh

mushrooms and peanut butter are both superb though, you freaks. every saturday after work (sainsbury's) i buy a tray thing of mushrooms and eat them raw

i've also been known to peel onions and eat them like apples, that's quite painful though
(Thu 15th Jul 2004, 2:57, More)

» Have you ever been dumped in a spectacular way?

psycho hose-beast
i don't even have a gun, let alone many guns which would neccessitate a rack
(Thu 17th Jun 2004, 19:49, More)

» Shit Stories

no seriously
had a dog that ate tinsel one christmas and had to try to shit it out

when i was about 9 i was in a big forest park place and i needed a shit, i was on a wooden bridge about three stories high and i shit off the edge of the bridge onto the footpath below, angering the other park users

and a week or two ago i ate two spinach and cheese lasagnes and half a bottle of cheap vodka, and when i shit it all out it looked exactly like damp hash
(Thu 6th May 2004, 0:58, More)
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