» Breakin' The Law

some nutter my mate knows
Ex copper and a bit of a loon "Dave" was at his house one night when he was pootling round in his kitchen he looked out the back garden to see torches round by his lock up out the back of his house, he had some nick worthy stuff in there so he calls the local plod.....it went something like this...
"hello can you send a squad car round to ............... as 2 men are breaking into my lock up....I can see them now"
"sorry sir the nearest car is about half hour away" (or something like that"
so dave gets a bit miffed
"Half hour.....they'll be gone in half hour you have to be kidding me right?????" and hangs up

so he ponders about it and rang back after 5 minutes with this...

"Hello this is Mr ........... I rang 5 minutes ago to request a squad car..."
"yes sir and I said...."

so dave drops his bombshell

"no its ok no need to hurry Ive just shot them both with my shot gun"

and hung up......

1 Police Helicopter....Armed response and various other cops were there in about 5 mins

So dave answers the door as they rush round the back and catch the two guys in the act.....?????

Inspector guy says to dave in an angry tone

"you said youd shot them....what the fu...?"

so dave said "who's bullshitting who you said half hour for a squad car"

Genius..................

Totally true story........

honest guv
(Fri 9th Jan 2004, 12:48, More)

» Breakin' The Law

Yeah right
3 of us there was, in Northampton, about 14 we were on the school roof at like 8 at night fine tuning our climbing skills. Martin green, Justin White and me......so some old fart rings the police and we get told to "get down" Copper asks martin his name and address...
." Martin Green Sir......"
his eye's suggest a fib
"where do you live boy?"
"Orchard green sir"
looks wound up......!
"what about you son?" and turns to Justin....
"Justin white sir"
Now he's pissed
"O really you must think Im bloody daft"
so he looks at me and Im shitting it and with my head held low proceed to tell him my true name....just like both my mates had
"Hillard Pokrzywnicki sir"

and with that we were all told to get in the back of the car for bullshitting and took home

We wernt even that clever to have made names up thats the worst bit.....Never had to take us home though did he really.....My mum to this day when I see her looks at me as if Im Charlie Manson I swear!!!!
(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 13:00, More)

» My Worst Vomit

Dirty cow
We live in New York and after going to see an appartment last Sunday decided to get pissed up after in a Jamaican bar....a few glasses of champagne and some mad ginger rum drink and my beautifull wife was steaming....anway on the train back to manhattan she loving nuzzled on my shoulder for a while.....then it went warm on my back....there was fucking loads of it....ginger fizzy onion puke...all down my back....on a packed train.....Nasty!!!
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 13:24, More)

» What's the most horrific thing you've seen?

Kosovo
Not me my mate was there in the Paras (Army) whenever that war was kicking off. He said they were getting 15 quid for bring dead bodies back to a makeshift morgue, so this one body was half in half out of a bush so they tied a rope round its feet, noose like, and started to pull it out. Both feet popped off he said..... urghhhh
(Fri 22nd Jun 2007, 13:32, More)