» Food sabotage

Not *exactly* sabotage...
But..

My old house mate at college, bless her..once told us a very amusing story.

As a teenager, my friend was, as are all teenagers, incredibly horny. Her preferred form of onanism was..taking a nice firm carrot from the vegetable drawer, and pleasuring herself with it. Fair enough. Problem was, she did not dispose of said vegetable delight in a humane manner.

Oh no. She would do the deed, then return the carrot to the vegetable area of the house. Naturally, at the family sunday lunch, she declined certain orange-hued vegetables. But her family LOVED them..

Special sauce, with that, sir??
(Fri 19th Sep 2008, 22:12, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

Could have been worse....
Bright pink vibrating nipple clamps. On a mates expense account credit card hehehe.


they broke next day :( shoddy workmanship i reckon
(Sat 11th Jun 2005, 23:14, More)

» Famous people I hate

How curious..
I don't own a TV(through choice, decided it was 99.9% rubbish and a waste of time and brainwaves). I don't even glance at magazine racks(saw a copy of Heat or somesuch a few years back and confirmed it has no relevance to me whatsoever). I put a home made cd or ipod on in the car as having listened to various radio stations, found most to be similar in nature to TV).

Calm and zenlike? You betcha. Don't even know who half these people are, and am not getting the feeling I am missing out.
(Thu 4th Feb 2010, 20:54, More)

» Unusual talents

I can...
..consistently and unerringly, without fail, and completely subconsciously - more's the pity - always select the most immature, commitment phobic, emotionally retarded (if he is unable to maintain fidelity all the better) male in a 5000 mile (this is no exaggeration..trust me) radius to be my "significant" other.

Friday night, and my dearest has just decided to inform me of his plans to stay at home and play Xbox with a 15 year old who is not his son rather than spend time with me, a very very nice bottle of wine, and my emminently shaggable quim. Le sigh.

Oh well, all the more wine for me, and at least it means I will never spawn. Always an upside, eh?

**Edit** Oh, and I can drink beer out of my cleavage...which may explain the above :s
(Fri 19th Nov 2010, 19:42, More)

» The Soundtrack of your Life

"Bit" of a downer, but...
Used to work with this great bloke, 35 years old, just got married 6 months prior, had step children,and a boy of his own. One day, he walked into the kitchen at work, said he "felt a bit funny", and collapsed. 20 minutes of CPR later and the ambulance finally arrived. Massive heart attack, the only thing remotely unbad about it is that he wouldn't have known a thing.

Cue his cremation service, as the curtains closed on the coffin, and family, friends and relatives said their final goodbye, a song lovingly chosen by his younger brother starts to play, very loudly. I didn't know whether to cry or burst out laughing.

Firestarter by The Prodigy.

Still raise a glass to him every time I hear that song. Life is bloody short. Do all those things you keep putting off,and do them now.
(Mon 1st Feb 2010, 21:55, More)