» Things you've done when you've had no money.

I and two others
would regulary stow onto this Golf Course which was near a bike path. We had a little hole cut in the wire to get in. Finding balls was quite difficult as this Golf Course was in Australia and the long grasses hid snakes as well as balls. Once my mate ended up face to face with a Silver Roo as the quest for golf balls took over.

So then we found an easier method, just sit at this specific short green where the tee was around the corner from the hole, then run out and grab the ball as it landed neatly on the green or just off it. By the time they walked up the ball was safely in our bucket. When the novelty of watching the old coots looking for their balls wore off and we had enough golf balls, we would proceed to the Surf Shop in town where the proprietor would give 50 cents a ball

Watching the roller coaster of emotions of the old guys suddenly stepping out quickly to the hole to see if it was a hole in one, and then discovering it was not, and then wondering where the ball was without giving away your position with laughter was an art in itself
(Sat 9th Oct 2004, 23:22, More)

» Hidden Treasure

Enjoyed
I was ripping up floorboards in a 15th century Manor House bathroom. These "latest" boards had been laid in the 50s.

Anyway, hidden under one of the boards was an old Coke tin. Very very old with diamond pattern and of course no pull top, just triangle markings showing where to pierce. The drinker had used the bottom to open, so the top markings were all intact. Slight rust but not much

I whacked it on Ebay and thought £4.99 starting bid was a bit cheeky

(Thu 30th Jun 2005, 18:46, More)

» Racist grandparents

Grandma
is 4ft 10. Within an hour and a half of seeing her for the first time in over a year, It was "....and I dont like Japanese, and I dont like Chinese...
with Chinamen, you cant trust their eyes. You dont know what theyre thinking. And I dont buy fruit off Indians. Except for bananas, because
you take the skins off. And why the hell do they charge for bananas by weight, you throw half of it away!

Later...

"And as for that Michael Jackson, he was negro... sure. But he didnt need all that bloody plastic surgery! He wasnt that bad a lookin' fella!"
(Sat 29th Oct 2011, 1:28, More)

» Stupid Tourists

This wont make you wee the chair with laughter
but its my little experience with these American Tourist thingies

It was back in the dark ages of 2000 when computers were being released in 50 mhz incriments. Woooo it was hotting up, we were up to 600mhz!!! Wowee. And they were so reasonable at £1500 or whatever it was

I was at that junction in every young mans life where I didnt know whether to become
a Mac or a PC guy, couldnt afford either so I was at Harrods looking at the range of new stuff.

I was beside the bright COLOURed G3s lost in their greeny bluey beauty, when this slovenly woman arrives beside me with husband and declares:

"OH MAAY GAAAARDDDD THESE THINGS ARE ONLY 333MHZ!!! *HEH* I FEEL SORRY FOR THAM"

and then looks at me, because Im a poor wittle Brit who doesnt have access to more mhz than 333.

I was flattered she thought I was in the market for one
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 18:30, More)

» Scars with history

Borrowed a bike
off my mate's little brother, an unusual bike.

Looked like any other BMX, but it had "continuous pedal". This means you can't sit with the pedals motionless and hear the whirring sound of the cog as you whizz along. They keep going round and round and force you to pedal.

It is easy to forget this dinky little feature, especially if it is the first time you had been riding one.

I decided to forget about it at the bottom of an infamous hill called "Lighthouse Hill" ( approx 80 degree incline ) after riding flat out down it on way to the beach. With a surfboard under one arm. Stoned.

I never got to the beach. The continuous pedal meant that at the precise moment I decided to have a little rest from pedaling I was catapulted into a brief flight, then my knee was introduced to the bitumin. I'm under the bike with a smashed surfboard with my kneecap visible and blood everywhere.

Thankfully, a car load off much older teenagers glided past and had all had a good laugh at me before continuing on to the beach. I then passed out. Next thing I am awoken by an old alcoholic, complete with beer at 11:00 in the morning, who said helpfully "That will learn you for not wearing a helmet"

Then it was off to the hospital in an ambulance for some good fun injections.

As soon as I was stitched up I limped all the way to my mates house where he and the others were all heartily enjoying my pot before I took it off them. The painkillers wore off at 3:41 am precisely the next morning

I couldn't bend my leg for 3 months while it healed. If I bent it the stitches would have pinged apart.

And they did, when I thought it would be a good idea to play rugby on school camp miles from anywhere 2 months later.

Ended up on a 3 hour arse punching trip in an old van to the nearest civilization for a new stitch up. Then 3 hours back and the beginning of another 3 months healing
(Sun 6th Feb 2005, 21:23, More)