» Injured Siblings

my brother......fucking idiot
my dad used to help out on a farm once a week, so we'd also get dragged with him, to give my mum peace and quiet, bear in mind i am about 7 and my brother is about 9(a few years ago).

he was chasing me round this farm after an argument (i'm a faster runner than he is) i manage to climb on the top of this fork thing that goes on the back of a tractor (see pic)

he runs over and as his feet go in between the spikes on the fork, i jump off the back causing it to tip it over and it goes up between his legs, causing a huge scratch and lots of bleeding.
ok to cut a long story short.....
can you imagine the scream of a 9 year old with a 3 foot spike through.........yep you guessed it...his ballsack.....and people wonder why he's a queergayfag(TM)

something like this...but it had more spikes(about 8 or so):
www.hhfab.com/images/tractor_loader.gif
(Sun 21st Aug 2005, 2:57, More)

» Jobsworths

i work part time in a pub after uni
me and the other guy who i work with, deliberatly ID every Chav that comes in, wether they look under 18 or not

works best when there is big groups of them!!



one night there were 3 came to the bar, they spent about 10 mins talking before they ordered, their conversation was about being kicked out of another pub close by for someone reporting them for under age - this guy had ID,

cue me ID'ing him when he asked for drinks, and telling him that histhis picture wasnt him, and that he should leave



yaaaay, no chavs in our pub!!!(except the cook + food carrier - fuckwits)
(Thu 12th May 2005, 11:56, More)

» Things you've done when you've had no money.

The Peir
there is a nightclub in wigan called the peir
and on a wednesday night, it was student night, they used to give out free half pint vouchers (1 per person) - unfortunatly!!!, i knew one of the bar staff, and he'd let me constantly give in reems and reems of these, so i could get mashed for free

i'd take one home and scan it, then print a sheet on card. Students - resourceful as ever!

also on one occasion, a few of my less poor mates, kept getting their pints stolen, but "minesweepers" (people who drink the dregs of what's availalbe - left or unattended)
one mate decided we'll get revenge, by filling a pint glas with piss and ice cubes - then topping it up with a bit of lager - we all sat waiting to see who drank it
- and boy did we laugh when it got drank


(names withheld to protect aforementioned people aside from peter mason that theiving skanky wanker)
(Fri 8th Oct 2004, 18:27, More)

» Near Death Experiences

near death experiance
well when i was 8 i borrowed my brothers bike, rode down a the hill on out street, as fast as you can (which is bloody fast when you're 8)

at the bottom of the hill is a hairpin bend, and some cunt in a cortine ran me over

i escaped with a large scratch down my left leg, but as a kid you just get up laughing, especially with all the adrenaline pumping round your body

oh yeah, the near death bit - the woman in the car died - she was wearing a seatbelt,but had it on loosely, her head hit the front windscreen as her son (who was speeding down the other street) slammed on - and he blamed me, if he'd have been going at less than 30 like you should do, she'd have been fine

bearing in mind i got up and ran off up the street, laughing - i think that's what got him - cunt
(Mon 29th Nov 2004, 21:22, More)

» Crappy Prizes

well
every time i go on the interweb, i find little windows appearing on my desktop assuring me i have won a prize




shame i just close them, i wonder what i could be missing out on..............
(Thu 4th Aug 2005, 15:31, More)