b3ta.com user Darth Thump
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» I hurt my rude bits

Itty Bitty Scar
I have an ickle red mark, right on the top of the bell, just down from the hole that stuff alternately shoots or splodges from.
Caused by catching said bell in zip.
If it makes the Best Of, I'll post a pic.
(Fri 14th Jul 2006, 14:20, More)

» Dentists

Waiting room incident
Had the usual dentistry problems- wisdom teeth, cracks, chips etc but this story is about the waiting room.
I was sent back to the waiting room after an injection to let the drugs work. In this waiting roon was about half a dozen people - the usual crowd, couple of older people, cute teen, mum and toddler and Mr Wide-Boy. Mr Wide-Boy was exactly that, tall, big build, tanned, polished bald head, loads of gold jewelry etc. He was lounging on one of the seats, looking cool, arm draped across the back of the chiair, legs spread wide in that "look at my package" pose.
While I am trying to stop myself from drooling in front of the cute teen, this guy is sitting there looking all smug.
Now, this waiting room has a small pile of plastic toys for kids to play with, and the small 4/5 year old that is with the young mum is palying with these. She picks up a plastic telephone and walks around everyone, offering it to them. Naturally, I pretend to pick up the phone, have a brief conversation with an invisible friend and the little girl toddles off happy. She does this with everybody - until she reaches Mr Wide-Boy.
She just wanders up to him, and with a childish giggle, smacks him (as hard as a toddler can) in his knackers with the toy. Mr Wide-Boy collapses in a heap.
Ever been in a room with 5 or so people laughing hilariously through their noses so they don't get caught?
(Thu 2nd Nov 2006, 16:26, More)

» B3TA Most Haunted

Night time fishing fright
A few years ago, myself and my brother were having a night time eel fishing session at a flooded quarry not far from where we lived. Course, there were the old rumours of the 2 kids drowned by the depressed dad in the water and the odd summer drowning but as sensible adults we didn't believe in ghosts.
So, we were sitting there on our camp stools in the poor but strangely warming glow of an old paraffin lamp, talking shite, drinking beer and generally just passing time until the bite indicators went off when this HUGE white ghostly shape floated out of the darkness and over the top of us. We fell off our stools, hearts going, sphincters loosening.
Was it a ghost? An apparition? The last echoes of a poor departed soul?
Was it fuck.
It was a heron with wings spread wide, probably as shocked to see us as we were it.
(Thu 13th Sep 2012, 16:06, More)

» The B3TA Confessional

Me, on a holiday website

The second pic down is me, floating with drink in hand in the clear, blue, caribbean waters...
I was peeing at the time.
(Mon 30th Aug 2010, 16:53, More)

» B3ta Villain of the Year 2010

Changed my mind. It's Us
There's little kiddies being battered and starved to death in our own country, countless people hungry in a world of plenty, many millions toiling under oppressive regimes and many soldiers fighting pointless little wars over religion/oil/water/small patches of arable land.
And we sit and moan about the little things that affect us.
Fuck it off, for a drink and a mince pie.
Merry Xmas
Hugs and kisses to the girlies, shake of hands with the guys.
(Thu 23rd Dec 2010, 15:45, More)
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