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- a member for 20 years, 6 months and 10 days
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» Now, there was no need for that...
One from Mrs Simax
I had been asked by my Mum if I could look after her dog for the day while she and my brother went into town. 10 minutes after they left the dog layed a massive egg on the living room carpet....there was no need for that.
After a few hours they arived home looking very stressed so I went next door to see my best friend. I returned about 20 minutes later picked up my bag and went to catch the bus home, once on the bus I discovered my theiving brother had had all my money out of my wallet....There was no need for that.
I stormed back to my Mums and had a full on fight with my brother then stormed next door again to call my then-boyfriend.
While we were waiting for him to arrive we decided to open a bottle of vodka, got very pissed and stormed back to Mums.
After a lot of shouting the police were called and I was told to go home, cool down and to make a complaint the next day.......So I got in my boyfriends car and started the long drive home. By this time it was late and after a lot of vodka I really needed a piss....so we pulled into a old carpark next to a house. I got out and walked to the far end, pulled my jeans and knickers down and squatted in the hedge. Just as I started my boyfriend turned his music on so loud I jumped, lost my footing and fell back in to the prickles.......There was no need for that....
So there I was stuck in a prickly bush, in the pitch black and my boyfriend can't hear my screams for help cos his music's up so loud it's like a rock concert......I'm fucked. After 10 minutes I managed to pull myself out and fell straight back in again. I wriggle out for the second time just in time to see a Police car pull in to the carpark.(Jeans and pants still down)
They had been called by the people who lived in the house who thought I was being attacked..... They arrested me for breach of the peace, took me back to the station where I spent the next 25 minutes having prickles pulled out of my arse........THERE WAS NO NEED FOR THAT
No apologies for length, as "Girth" is my middle name ;)
(Mon 20th Jun 2005, 23:31, More)
One from Mrs Simax
I had been asked by my Mum if I could look after her dog for the day while she and my brother went into town. 10 minutes after they left the dog layed a massive egg on the living room carpet....there was no need for that.
After a few hours they arived home looking very stressed so I went next door to see my best friend. I returned about 20 minutes later picked up my bag and went to catch the bus home, once on the bus I discovered my theiving brother had had all my money out of my wallet....There was no need for that.
I stormed back to my Mums and had a full on fight with my brother then stormed next door again to call my then-boyfriend.
While we were waiting for him to arrive we decided to open a bottle of vodka, got very pissed and stormed back to Mums.
After a lot of shouting the police were called and I was told to go home, cool down and to make a complaint the next day.......So I got in my boyfriends car and started the long drive home. By this time it was late and after a lot of vodka I really needed a piss....so we pulled into a old carpark next to a house. I got out and walked to the far end, pulled my jeans and knickers down and squatted in the hedge. Just as I started my boyfriend turned his music on so loud I jumped, lost my footing and fell back in to the prickles.......There was no need for that....
So there I was stuck in a prickly bush, in the pitch black and my boyfriend can't hear my screams for help cos his music's up so loud it's like a rock concert......I'm fucked. After 10 minutes I managed to pull myself out and fell straight back in again. I wriggle out for the second time just in time to see a Police car pull in to the carpark.(Jeans and pants still down)
They had been called by the people who lived in the house who thought I was being attacked..... They arrested me for breach of the peace, took me back to the station where I spent the next 25 minutes having prickles pulled out of my arse........THERE WAS NO NEED FOR THAT
No apologies for length, as "Girth" is my middle name ;)
(Mon 20th Jun 2005, 23:31, More)
» Panic Buying
She didn't see it coming
I got my wife a divorce.
Bitch :-)
No apologies for lack of length or girth - it don't get used that much at the moment!
(Wed 28th Dec 2005, 23:32, More)
She didn't see it coming
I got my wife a divorce.
Bitch :-)
No apologies for lack of length or girth - it don't get used that much at the moment!
(Wed 28th Dec 2005, 23:32, More)