b3ta.com user mr pete
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» My computer gave away my secrets

This would have been difficult to explain
I was trying to find a link to a website that holds embarrassing pictures people have taken of their mates, you know the kind, girls giving head on dancefloors, people pissing themselves while asleep pissed etc. There was a picture on there that a guy had secretly taken of his older brother sucking his own cock, which was the one I was specifically looking for so I could email the link to some mates (honest guv). Couldn't find the site, so I left it. The missus wanted some help finding something on Google, so I went to do a search. Autocomplete popped up with "my brother sucking his own cock". My hands have NEVER moved so fast. Got away with it, I think. Well, either got away with it or she was too freaked out to mention it...
(Fri 10th Feb 2006, 15:56, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

Squirrel fishing
Give this a go if you get the opportunity, it's ace.

Equipment required:
1)Big ball of string
2)Tracker bar or similar
3)Bread (for groundbaiting)
4)Casting point (3rd floor balcony of halls of residence was ours, has to be fairly high up)
5)Place where there are squirrels.

This time of year is ideal as they are all up and about looking for the nuts they've buried. Chuck a few bits of bread around to get 'em interested. Wrap a small piece of tracker bar in string (has to be well wrapped up). Make a lassoo type coil of string and cast off (further the better). Take in the slack. Slowly drag the tracker piece near the feeding squirrels, it's much tastier than the bread so they go for it. Don't let them get it until they are directly below you and there is not much slack on the string. Once you have a bite pull up on the string very gently until hey presto you've caught a squirrel! They hate letting go, we managed to lift one up to the first floor balcony. Brilliant. I'm kind of stretching the definition of impromptu, but all the items needed we happened to possess at the time of thinking it up. Hours of fun!
(Tue 30th Mar 2004, 17:00, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

2 quite similar ones
Firstly that if I looked out of the window at midnight I would see the devil and die.

Secondly if I dialed 666 on the phone I would speak to the devil and die.

ie go to bed when you are told and don't mess with the phone.

Oh and they told me if I touched a shrew the germs would always be on my hands and would never come off. They told me this because I had just found one in the garden, I spent an hour scrubbing my hands. I think my dad was trying to get me back for putting dog shit on his jumper a few days before.
(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 16:12, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

I worked in an off licence a coupke of years ago
This bloke phoned the shop, it went like this:

Guy - "Can I speak to Chris please?"

Me - "No-one called Chris works here, sorry."

Guy - "Can you tell me where I could find him?"

What a ringpiece.
(Tue 30th Dec 2003, 15:29, More)

» Worst Record Ever

New Kids on the Block - Hanging Tough
If they were the new kids on my block they'd be hanging from a f u c king lamp post... A bunch of clean cut young boys who help grannies across the road and stuff, suddenly become badassed, streetwise hustlers. Five are guilty also, but NKotB started it all. They are to blame for Five, The Backstreet Boys, Timberlake etc. They must be rounded up and punished.
(Wed 3rd Dec 2003, 15:11, More)
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