b3ta.com user emadex
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Not much to tell. Pom living in Oz. Old and boring but not fat.

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Best answers to questions:

» Buses

Dead passenger...
...I was dispatched (ambulance) to a bus stop near a local shopping centre - a bus driver had radioed his HQ and told them that he had found an elderly lady laying in front of the bus stop and that she probably needed an ambulance.
Sure enough, we found the patient lying in front of the bus stop. She was dead and we couldn't revive her as the 'downtime' had been too long. The police arrived at our request and they went through her handbag, found some phone numbers in a diary and contacted a relative.

This is where it got a little strange.

Her daughter told the police that she couldn't figure out why her mum was waiting for a bus at that particular stop - it would have taken her the wrong way and was in fact the stop where she would normally get off after visiting friends in the city. The police noticed a nearby security camera and on looking through the tapes they found footage of the bus driver dragging her off the bus, laying her down in front of the bus stop and he then got back on the bus, which is when he radioed his HQ to tell them of his "finding the patient laying in front of the bus stop."

He got interviewed by the police and told them that he wanted her off the bus as "the bloody paramedics would have tried to revive her on the bus" and so cause him to finish his shift late.

Instead he got sacked and charged by the police. The twat.
(Wed 1st Jul 2009, 16:17, More)

» Common

People who insist on licking the bowl...

...why can't they just flush it like everyone else?
(Sun 19th Oct 2008, 1:56, More)

» Caught!

Fixing a PC for a gay friend.
I had my daughter with me (then 9 years old) and switched on my mates PC to be confronted with the inevitable gay porn wallpaper. As my red faced friend quickly switched off the monitor, I noticed the confused look on my daughters' face.

On the way home she asked me "What was that picture on Uncle Ians' computer?"
I replied "Umm, it was American wrestlers I think".
She thought about this for a moment and then whispered "I thought it was two gay men doing rude things".
"Nah love, I don't think so" I replied.

She later asked my wife to break it to me gently that Uncle Ian was gay...
(Fri 4th Jun 2010, 5:21, More)

» Prejudice

My girfriend dumped me by email ...
...telling me that I am "dyslexic and bigoted".
For fucks sake, even if I did have dyslexia it shouldn't be used as a reason to dump someone.
And I do not have big toes.
(Tue 6th Apr 2010, 22:23, More)

» Out of my depth

Loss of virginity...
...I was about 15 and had just been approached by a girl at the Youth Club who said she fancied me and that she was also "on the pill."
It took me about 5 minutes to realize she wasn't referring to a cold and flu tablet and we proceeded to the local park (always deserted at night except for teenagers doing unspeakables).
So we disrobed a little and with me on top I proceeded to lose my virginity. Problem was that I thought you just inserted and waited...so I laid there *totally* motionless and after a couple of minutes she gave some encouraging movements which quite startled me as I feared she must be an epileptic or something.
It was very disappointing, but she was very nice about it and didn't dob me in to my mates.
(Fri 15th Oct 2004, 3:33, More)
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