b3ta.com user bazmataz
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» Your Weirdest Teacher

Mr. Nicholson
An Ape-like, enormously Hairy PE teacher, specialising in Rugby and shouting loudly at the wimpy boys. One day someone spyed his Lunchbox, and protruding from it was a bunch of Bananas, which at some point in the games lesson "Went Missing." Cue Furious, ape like PE teacher screaming "WHO STOLE BY BLOODY BANANAS!" Which continued every break and lunchtime for a week, as he put the whole year into detention.

We never did find out who did it, but on the final day of term his desk was found buried under a huge pile of bananas, which every boy in the year had donated towards.
(Sat 12th Nov 2005, 23:18, More)

» Claims to Fame

Papers to royalty
Me and my dad used to deliver newspapers for the family business to Princess Anne's estate in Gloucestershire.

One time my uncle delivered said papers, and when asked what he had in the back of the van is quoted as saying "3 members of the IRA and 200lbs of c4."
The police dismantled the car infront of him, so my claim is .....
Princess Anne's Policemen dismantled our families newspaper van.
(Sat 26th Feb 2005, 19:29, More)

» My Worst Vomit

my 18th birthday
On my 18th birthday me and 3 friends all went out and got annihilated on various booze from grappa, to Jegermeister, to cidrer, alchopops and beer. after a drunken attempt to get into a night club, we returned home, only for all of us to be sick at various times into a bucket which was left on the floor. At this point i collapsed on the floor, hitting my head on the raditaor and knocking myself out.

heres the nasty bit

When i came to all i can remember needed to do is vom. My simple drunken brain saw a bucket stood up infront of me (remember im still horizontal), and with 2 hands grabbed said bucket and rotated 90 degrees towards me for easy vom access. Sadly, as previously stated it was full of (4 peoples) puke. Thus, i got a few litres of mixed vomit in the face. Not that i cared much as i preceded to pass out, 18 for 21 hours and already lost all my adult decency - rar!
(Sun 22nd Aug 2004, 23:22, More)

» Child Labour

dog kennels
£15 every saturday for cycling 7 miles to clean up dog shit and get chased by numerous incarnations of Cujo from 9-5pm.

(Fri 17th Feb 2006, 20:14, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

When i walk past attractive ladies i love taking a huge breath through the nose, theres something really naughty, yet satisfying about smelling a fit stranger.
(Tue 12th Apr 2005, 0:05, More)
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