b3ta.com user new_matt
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Recent front page messages:

this new software is shit

now with added Popinjays!

(Mon 20th Aug 2007, 12:06, More)

can't say i wasn't warned i suppose...

various bits and pieces

(Tue 1st May 2007, 15:31, More)

celebrity deaths #73, the village people

this is my page

(Sun 22nd Oct 2006, 11:49, More)

good morning

my site

(Mon 21st Aug 2006, 9:34, More)

Luke: I saw part of the message he was...
Ben: I seem to have found it...

sweary fingers | more stuff
(Thu 30th Dec 2004, 22:34, More)

i sorted the timing


(Fri 29th Oct 2004, 9:34, More)


[edit]ta! click this!
(Tue 21st Sep 2004, 9:27, More)

hello there.

ta! click me
(Mon 9th Aug 2004, 10:50, More)

to you! to me!

ta! perfect considering the day we're having more stuff

btw, i'm being made redundant. well, in the way that my company is being dissolved. anyone got any jobs? bit of writing, bit of web stuff, photoshop, flash?

ps, barry is really paul's dad

(Thu 22nd Jul 2004, 11:55, More)

don't mind me

ta click for more
(Fri 18th Jun 2004, 23:30, More)

while i'm on ancient memes

haha! 2 FPs in 2 days, you flatter me sirra!
click like it's going out of fashion

(Thu 15th Apr 2004, 20:59, More)

i see this old chestnut's doing the rounds again...

ta! click me!
(Wed 14th Apr 2004, 18:24, More)

tony gets his man

ta! click me for much, much more
(Thu 29th Jan 2004, 14:46, More)

you made me do it

my stuff, now as approved by the white house
(Wed 22nd Oct 2003, 13:48, More)

nothing could spoil such a beautiful, romantic evening...

made betterer, right, i'm off to a pointless meeting, don't touch anything until i get back...
(Wed 10th Sep 2003, 9:53, More)

seemed a shame to deface kitteny berk's beautiful original, but it spoke to me ;)
(Mon 21st Jul 2003, 21:42, More)

i see the iraqis have captured two more british airmen
it makes me sick when they parade them on tv like that...

(Thu 27th Mar 2003, 10:34, More)

i think the dog's broken...

(Sun 26th Jan 2003, 19:37, More)

i thought my phone bills had been high this month...
i love it when you call me tiddles

(Sun 15th Dec 2002, 13:37, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Irrational Fears

war of the worlds - the musical
i guess it started with that bloody ooolaah noise the martians make. scared the hell out of me as a kid. to this day pretty much any of the songs from the album give me the willies.

no grown man should be scared of a david essex record.
(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 14:14, More)

» Dad Jokes

actually, to be fair to my dad, his april fool's jokes can be quite good
he works in a path lab in a hospital - part of the work involves testing peoples *ahem* samples for bacteria and the like.

his most famous jape was filling a stool sample pot with chocolate mousse and sesame seeds and adding it to the rack to go into the incubator (or whatever, bloody hell, i'm not a doctor!).

when it's time to do whatever to this particular sample, he shows this pot of 'poo' with seeds in to his various colleagues, making comments on how unusual it is, how in all his 40 years he'd never seen anything like it and so on.

when he's got everyone's attention, he opens the pot, takes out the little spoon attachment and eats some. making "oooh, how interesting" noises.

you can imagine the hilarity that ensues...
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 11:40, More)

» Little things that turn you on

it might not be that weird
but attractive girls in really good suits. i actually quite like girls with very short hair as well. and girls that drive with confidence.

now that i think about it. does this mean i'm living a lie and should just fancy men?
(Sat 19th Feb 2005, 20:46, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

actually, i've just thought...
early-90s indie club in manchester. me, some chums, too may bottles of newcastle brown. who should we spy, but the actor formerly known as Terry Duckworth (from Coronation Street). I wander over. "are you Terry Duckworth?" I ask. "fuck off" says Terry Duckworth.
(Wed 14th Apr 2004, 20:40, More)

» LOL Bigots

I was visiting the folks this last weekend
We popped out to a garden centre so my mum could buy something, and being old they wanted a cup of tea. In the cafe was a young family with twin children, everyone was obviously cooing over them.

We left about the same time as the family, and as we were getting to the car the lady who had parked next to us with old mother in tow, said to my dad in passing. "Oooh, I always wanted twins", her mother snorted.

The woman then proceeded to say "I always quite fancied black twins too", her mother looked on, "but I didn't like the idea of what I'd have to do to get them..." and nodded knowingly.
(Wed 27th Feb 2013, 16:07, More)
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