» Claims to Fame

My Dad shagged 'AC-DC's' Brian Johnsons wife

while Brian was on the 'For those about to rock' tour in 1981. He then got his car nicked from outside their home in Newcastle but couldn't go to the police as the boot was full of bootlegged porn which they used to sell to the workers on the oil rigs. They had to get a train back.

My Grandmother dated Gary Glitter for 2 years before she met my grandfather. "Please mummy, I don't want to stay at their house!"
(Fri 25th Feb 2005, 18:07, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

i fell out with my father.
didnt speak to him nor any of that side of the family for over a year, and i find out he's getting married and wanted me to go. so i packed up my grudge and went to watch him be wed.

we got there and me and a few friends were staying in a nearby cottage. we'd had a fairly hectic stag night the night before and on the day of the marraige were all slightly worse for wear. so we thought perhaps some billy would liven us up a bit. and it did. we giggled through the ceremony and started caning champagne. a few bottles later and ive pulled the bridesmaid... result! the billy wears off and im paralytic, i hit the dance floor. drop my aunty on her back and throw beer on her.

and for the finaly, as the wedding car pulls away, i run out of the hall sideways, trip on a wall after which is a five foot drop onto concrete, smash my glass and cut my hand up, then i get lost on the 40yd walk back to the cottage, wake up on the driveway at 4am.

ive not spoken to my dad since really.

apologies for the essay.
(Thu 22nd Apr 2004, 16:04, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

the spy who loved me.
my parents told me that in the intro to that film they were the skiers. i was so proud, i told all my school mates. they told their parents and came back to me telling my it was a load of bollocks.

i felt like a total dickhead. i was but 8yrs old.
(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 14:41, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

It was the school end of gcse ball...

Id previously been laid up with a torn ligament in my thigh on heavy doses of cocodamol and diazapan. I saved a few diazapan of course. For research.

The school ball was coming up and a a girl in my tutor was being hotly contested for. She wasn't up for a date type thing and being quite a good friend asked if i would accompany her. Ace. I win the arm of a very popular girl and seeing as it's just a mate thing- there's no reason why I can't get smashed. Cue aforementioned medication.

So 2 diazapan and a few pints on im totally wasted and hallucinating a little. She was concerned for my well being and lived close by so she took me back to hers at the end of the night to come round.

I wake up around 2am with a fine young lady tending to my every need. Turns out that she's so glad i'm alive she simply has to give me a blowjob. That was my first blowjob. I've been hooked since.

Following morning she would like to take things a little further and despite what ive heard, this went rather smoothly. I ended up staying there until the monday and got fairly well aquainted with the whole sex thing. Ace.

I went out with her for about 6 months after that. I went to thailand for a few weeks, came back and she had become a lesbian... This took some getting over.

length blah blah pun blah
(Fri 4th Mar 2005, 13:38, More)

» Worst Record Ever

i actually made my parents buy me
genesis live for my 7th birthday
(Tue 2nd Dec 2003, 17:43, More)