Fluffy was beginning to wonder if she'd got it right

she'd been waiting for ages...

Edit: dear holy shit! When did that happen? Cheers!
(Fri 23rd Jul 2004, 12:26, More)

'Out of my way! I'm late for work! MOVE, plebs!'

wooooo! first front page! yeeesss! thankyou!
(Mon 22nd Sep 2003, 18:07, More)

» Cringe!

Dentist related embarrassment
Scaryduck's story reminded me of my own private hell moment with dentists...

Couple of years ago, around Christmas time, I was stricken with a hugely painful toothache. I managed to get an emergency appointment with a dentist in a town about twenty miles away: the night beforehand, we had a friend over and spent the evening having a few drinks - a combination of Guiness and Jack Daniels, never a good idea.

As a direct result, I woke up ridiculously late the next morning, starving hungry and with 25 minutes to get to my appointment. Cue a hideously fast and bleary drive through the freezing weather and much swearing at lorries as I tried to make it in some semblance of 'on time'.

Got there only five minutes late, and the very lovely lady dentists strapped me down and had a poke about in my mouth. Turns out I needed a tooth removed, so they stuck me full of anesthetic and got to work.

Except it was all a bit sensitive, and I could well and truly feel them probing around. I made my protest felt, and they happily stuck another needle-full into my gum.

Now. Here's a top tip. Don't ever get a local anesthetic without having made sure you've had something to eat within the last few hours. Low blood sugar + anesthetic = not much fun.

Because what happened next was unexpected: full body paralysis.

Except for my sphincter.

OK, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Basically, I found myself totally unable to move or make any noise other than a panicked grunt - and then I started farting to wake the dead. The previous nights booze took its toll and there was *nothing* I could do to stop it.

To their credit, the lovely lady dentists managed to stay almost straight-faced while opening all the windows and standing well away from me.
(Fri 28th Nov 2008, 12:35, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

takes me back
15 years old, playing tennis with my brother and his mates, one of whom had a fairly unpleasant Yamaha 250 - basically a Harley ripoff with chopper handlebars and a really low seat.

As it was a fairly hot day, and we were out in the countryside, after a couple of sets I took his bike for a run to cool down a bit.

I passed a couple of cars in the first mile, and couldn't help but notice that every occupant was pointing and staring at me as they came towards me, looking kind of shocked.

Took me another mile or two to figure that, because of the riding position of the bike (big petrol tank obscuring my crotch), and the fact that I was wearing only a pair of tan shorts, trainers and a helmet, I must have looked like I was tootling about the country on a big motorbike with my bits flapping.

Happy days indeed.
(Thu 17th Aug 2006, 23:35, More)

» My most gullible moment

My name is Kit.
People often ask what it is short for.
I like to tell them it's short for 'Kitchen'.

If they don't look skeptical at this point, I follow it up with 'because I was conceived on our kitchen table'.

It cracks me up how many people believe it.
(Thu 28th Aug 2008, 11:52, More)

» Evil Pranks

my sweet older brother
once twatted me across the back of the head with a dead buzzard while I was washing up.

Maybe not the most evil, but certainly one of the more surreal.
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 14:54, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

I've been meaning to photograph this for ages
just round the corner from our office, there's an old airstrip with a mile-long straight running parallel to it.

In the middle of this straight, someone has sprayed, in enormous pink letters, 'FRILLY KNICKERS'.

Slays me every time I see it.
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 17:24, More)