b3ta.com user Charlie big bananas
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» Sacked

Another one.....why thank you!!
Another crowning moment in my life, (the kind of moment that when im old and cantancerous sat in a pub somewhere will cause me to chuckle to myself like a loon!) was when i was working for Northern Rock Loans. (God I have had some truly god-awful jobs...working as a civil servant at the mo...best job ever!! paid shed loads of money, and im treated like an adult....its a relevation!!)

This particular time i had only been working there for a week and was still in training when i had the gall to get up out of my seat excuse myself and proceeded to head towards the toilet.

Just as i was opening the door to our little training room/nursery/whatever the trainer (a wierd little twitchy women in glasses who was a few sit-ups short of a sixpack if you get my meaning) yelled at me "where do you think your going?" I explained politely that i was going to the toilet I was told "you can only go if you stick your hand in the air and ask...then if we are not busy you can go".

Cue red mist descending and me proceeding to tell her how there was a special place in hell for people just like her among over more colorful uses of the english language, before promptly walking out. As i left i looked back to see about 7-8 of a 20 strong training group (mostly wankers as is the way) following me out the door....brilliant.

Would have loved to see her explaining how she had halved the new starters in one afternoon...never mind with a bit of luck she's dead now anyway.

No Regrets.....ever!!
(Tue 28th Feb 2006, 13:37, More)

» Fancy Dress

Think ill apply for a job in Hell!!! Minster in charge of ironic punshiments sounds good........
Once went to a FD party as a peadophile.....my costume.......1 bag of haribo!
(Fri 13th Jan 2006, 11:13, More)

» Sacked

Sacked??? hah!......Where do I Begin!!!
I've been sacked from more jobs than ive had hot dinners! (and not a single regret!) largely due to A) Me having a complete lack of respect for authority and B) usually taking the first crappy job thats offered to me.

I seem to have fallen in with a lot of jobs in the financial sector, (and been fired from all of them), these include Halifax, Abbey National, Norich union, etc

Why i keep falling into these jobs i don't know as i genually believe that the world would be a better place if everyone who worked in a financial sector based job went out and killed themselves.....I'm not being cute i really wish 99% of them dead! (and take anyone involved in sales and marketing with you....please!)

One of my better moments of job satisfaction was walking into work one morning (Direct Line this was)hungover as a lush, 10 minutes late cue Line manager/anal retentive weirdo attempting to dish out bollocking. Cue me standing up and in front of eveyone telling him that i hope he catch's gonarrea (spelling?) and dies slowly in pain for being a dead eyed, souless, satans cock sucking beuraucratic Wanker, who had about 10 seconds to piss off out of my way or i'd start to break all of his fingers one at a time..........as the guy was a bit of a ....well a bit of a.....line mamager really (cant think of a more suitable put down), he just went white as a sheet mumbled something inaudible and left just before i did.

There are many other examples of when i have just snapped and taken it out on whoever my superior is but im saving them for a book im writing called how to be happy!!......Step 1) Don't give a shit what tossers and people who believe that being a contemptable sub-human wanker is justified by the pursuit of money think.......Just threaten them with violence they soon dissapear Step 2.....well you'll have to buy my book for the rest!!

No apologies for lengh.....I'm psid by the word!
(Mon 27th Feb 2006, 15:35, More)

» Fire!

Eyebrows and Beans!!!!
At my old school, in the science block, we had gas taps on all the tables. Not a bright idea in my opinion but never mind......anyway me and my friend (who we will refer to as Lee.....as that is his name), were larking about and he decided it would be hilarious to take in a mouthful of gas, from said gas taps. and light his breath as he breathed out. Cue hilarity for the rest of the week as Lee has to attend all his classes lacking any eyebrows.....hahaha the image still makes me laugh.

Story 2 me and another group of friends (this was about 2 years later, you'd think id have matured by then....you'd be wrong of course....), decided to go camping in the nearby woods. couple of hours after sunset and were all a bit oiled on chep cider, our attention inevitably gets drawn to the camp fire, and what would make the best explosion, or be the most flammable. Went through usual items, lighters, deodarent, ect, until we decide to throw a can of beans on the fire unopened........nothing happened for a good 7-8 minutes lulling us into thinking that nothing was going to happen, so we start to return from our respective hiding places when BOOM!!!!!!!!! The loudest explosion i had ever heard, (ive heard louder since but this was a while ago), and beans and bits of can shot past us like grenade shrapnel. How none of us was hurt is somewhat of a miricle as the tent nearest to the fire, which had blown itself out, was completely destroyed.
Morale of story.....dont be an idiot!
(Thu 3rd Nov 2005, 11:37, More)

» Worst Record Ever

blazin f*cking squad
i hate em i hate em i hate em!!!!

they all should be neutered to stop them from having any offspring. The world does not need anymore 15 year old joyriding gangster wannabies who've probably watched a whole series of sopranos and think that they are double hard because of it.

(Wed 3rd Dec 2003, 9:11, More)
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