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» Guilty Pleasures

nothing but my pajama trousers, which I wear as a hat, and bursting in on my girlfriend and shouting in a sing-song voice "BE-HOOOOLD!"
(Fri 8th Apr 2005, 16:17, More)

» Walkman Flashbacks

Turn it up, pa-pa aaaaahhhhhh
For reasons I have never managed to work out, the dodgy indie club I used to go to in the late eighties always played 'Orinoco Flow' by Enya before going into the music the punters wanted (Wonder Stuff, Sisters of Mercy and the Cult, mostly).

When ever I hear it, and it still gets played quite a lot, I taste snakebite and black, smell fag smoke and patchouli oil and get the urge to find a goth girl in black lace and blacker lip stick and try and put my hand up her skirt.
(Thu 24th Mar 2005, 12:02, More)

» Look! It's me in the Local Paper

Tin Foil Mouse Boy
I've been in the Sandhurst and Camberley rag a few times as a kid. My strangest experiance was when I was an the type of earnest, animal-rights teenager that only sprouted up in the eighties. I, and the rest of the Camberley & District Animal Rights Group, went to do a protest outside the local branch of Boots the Chemist.

The protest was against some sun-tan lotion company who were shaving mice, pinning them down and sticking them under ultra-violet light to test how well their lotion worked on the poor little, burning buggers. Or something.

The local animal-rights group was made up of some sweet, human-hating old biddies and me so I had to be the one who was to demonstrate the fate of the poor mice.

They back-combed my hair, made me wear a rubber mouse-nose on my face, wrapped me in tin-foil, pinned me to a big board and made me stand in Camberley town center on a busy Saturday afternoon.

Shortly after about all my mates and every girl in Camberley (and surrounds) that I'd ever wanted to cop-off with had walked past, the local newspaper reporter and photographer turn up, eager for a scoop.

My mum's still got the clipping somewhere.
(Thu 10th Feb 2005, 15:25, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

Afraid to read
I'm really worried 'cos I was the weird kid. I didn't eat worms, shag a cat or tell everyone I'd shoved my thumb up my arse while wanking like some blokes in my year but I was pretty fucking weird at school.
(Fri 19th Jan 2007, 15:15, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

arf ARF
Just remembered one. I like to, when pottering around in the comfort of my own home, sing songs to myself as if I'm a dog. I walk around going "arf arf ARF arf-arf-arf-arf" and so on.

I didn't even realise I did it out loud until, one day, I'd forgotten that my girlfriend was in the flat, I start "arf-ing” away and she shouts from the other room "is that you barking?"

Luckily she found it mildly appealing.
(Wed 13th Apr 2005, 10:43, More)
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