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- a member for 20 years, 5 months and 3 days
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» I hurt my rude bits
The horror! The horror!
When I was 19 my girlfriend of the time and I were getting down to some enthusiastic good lovin' in her bedroom while her parents were watching TV downstairs. Suddenly I felt a searing pain from the downstairs department and realised that the banjo-string had gone. The bloodflow was spectacular. Attempts to stem the flow with tissues came to nothing - I remember trying to catch the blood in an empty milk bottle (why she had a milk bottle in her bedroom is anybody's guess). In panic I stuffed some tissues down the front of my kecks and left to go to the hospital. Unfortunately they lived in a small terrace house and the only way out was down the stairs and through the living room past her parents - they were probably puzzled by the speed of my exit and the palour of my appearance. At that time I didn't have a car, and A&E was two bus rides across town. On the bus I realised that blood had visibly seeped through the front of my jeans - never a good look. When I eventually got to A&E I had to try to explain my predicament to the lady on the front desk (who had probably seen it all before, and then some), had a good two hour wait and then had to suffer the indignity of having my old man prodded by the doctor. Fortunately I didn't require stitches (eek!) but I was given the advice that I should "avoid arousal for about a month". A month? I don't think I had another stiffy for at least a year...
(Fri 14th Jul 2006, 10:13, More)
The horror! The horror!
When I was 19 my girlfriend of the time and I were getting down to some enthusiastic good lovin' in her bedroom while her parents were watching TV downstairs. Suddenly I felt a searing pain from the downstairs department and realised that the banjo-string had gone. The bloodflow was spectacular. Attempts to stem the flow with tissues came to nothing - I remember trying to catch the blood in an empty milk bottle (why she had a milk bottle in her bedroom is anybody's guess). In panic I stuffed some tissues down the front of my kecks and left to go to the hospital. Unfortunately they lived in a small terrace house and the only way out was down the stairs and through the living room past her parents - they were probably puzzled by the speed of my exit and the palour of my appearance. At that time I didn't have a car, and A&E was two bus rides across town. On the bus I realised that blood had visibly seeped through the front of my jeans - never a good look. When I eventually got to A&E I had to try to explain my predicament to the lady on the front desk (who had probably seen it all before, and then some), had a good two hour wait and then had to suffer the indignity of having my old man prodded by the doctor. Fortunately I didn't require stitches (eek!) but I was given the advice that I should "avoid arousal for about a month". A month? I don't think I had another stiffy for at least a year...
(Fri 14th Jul 2006, 10:13, More)
» I hurt my rude bits
Thanks to Mr. Sturmey and Mr. Archer
There is a whole generation of men who know what it feels like to have their knackers impaled by the crossbar mounted gear change lever on a Raleigh Chopper (I'm one of them).
The new model Chopper has a pansy twist-grip gear shift in the interests of health and safety. Boo.
(Mon 17th Jul 2006, 11:55, More)
Thanks to Mr. Sturmey and Mr. Archer
There is a whole generation of men who know what it feels like to have their knackers impaled by the crossbar mounted gear change lever on a Raleigh Chopper (I'm one of them).
The new model Chopper has a pansy twist-grip gear shift in the interests of health and safety. Boo.
(Mon 17th Jul 2006, 11:55, More)
» Missing body parts
nose picker
Not about me, but an ex-girlfriend's dad who had lost half an index finger in an industrial accident, used to enjoy freaking people out by sticking the abbreviated digit up his nostril, looked like he had is finger in there right up to his brain...
Early in my career I worked at a texile mill where I don't think anyone one the shop floor had a full complement of 10 fingers.
(Thu 8th Jun 2006, 21:41, More)
nose picker
Not about me, but an ex-girlfriend's dad who had lost half an index finger in an industrial accident, used to enjoy freaking people out by sticking the abbreviated digit up his nostril, looked like he had is finger in there right up to his brain...
Early in my career I worked at a texile mill where I don't think anyone one the shop floor had a full complement of 10 fingers.
(Thu 8th Jun 2006, 21:41, More)