» Out of my depth

now I'm not actually stupid but..
In college I did nothing but mess about with my mates. The pinnacle of me doing nothing was the final Maths exam. My paper literally had 'x=' written at the top and absolutely nothing else. I bloody well sat there for the whole time though, which is even sadder as I was trying. I'm much smarter now though, promise.

Oh yeah I used to studder worse than Ronnie Barker on Open all hours. So the most dreaded moment is the regular reading out loud in class moments. Fuck that sucked, cruel bastards. Funny thing was once I'd had enough of taking ages to get through a sentence and said 'look do I have to do this, it's pointless' in perfect non-stutter speak. See I stopped stuttering the moment I truly stopped caring about anything, which works to this day.

Ballroom dancing + ultra geek with glasses + braces + bowl cut + stutter * making the girls choose the guys = Remaining girls refusing to pick from the last of the boys which was always me and small group of outcasts. Once I walked out after numerous minutes of agonising inevitability as the other boys got picked one by one and had to write a page on why I did it. I let them have it in writing. I'm mean ballroom fucking dancing for 12 year olds? are they mad?
(Fri 15th Oct 2004, 8:18, More)

» Accidentally Erotic

9 volt batteries
..you know, the square ones. I used to get an 'odd' enjoyment out of putting them in the bath under water. Jesus, it's a miracle I didn't turn out to be a kitten drowning wife basher.
(Thu 9th Feb 2006, 10:20, More)

» Shoddy Presents

my uncle
once got me a thing you press into bread before you toast it so the toast would say 'good morning'.. I think my sister got the same thing.. but in his defence he did get me a book on computer hacking the year after.
Speaking of my sister, one resent year she got me a framed picture of HER DOG. Which since she has an insane sense of humour was kinda one of the best presents I've got.
My other sister has this pathetic genetic mutant of a dog that me and my nuts sister enjoy to hate. So one year I got the dog a 'present'. It was a neatly wrapped bullet. Much evil sibling laughter ensued, not from my other sister of course.
(Sun 26th Sep 2004, 17:44, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

Coffee
yeah you heard you addicted pedophiles. It's exactly like drinking boiled burnt toast while eating that fake Carob chocolate and don't tell me it's because I've never had 'good' coffee, you don't like boiled dog shit because you've never had 'the good stuff freshly ground'
(Sat 17th Jul 2004, 10:35, More)

» Little things that turn you on

real eyebrows
not a monobrow mind, just something that doesn't look like a surprised transvestite
(Thu 17th Feb 2005, 17:32, More)