b3ta.com user casper the friendly ghost
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» Pure Ignorance

A few
My nan, upon seeing a TNT lorry pass us on the motorway:

"Isn't it dangerous to drive around with a lorry full of dynamite?"

My old boss:

"The client is jumping up and down like an angry farmer!"

Holly Valance:

"You can give yourself cancer if you're thinking bad thoughts about people"

And folks, try and remember that it's pronounced "in excess", not "inxs".
(Thu 13th Jan 2005, 7:07, More)

» Little things that turn you on

Don't think I've seen this yet...
Women with beautiful faces. No really.

Tall/short, big tits/no tits, long hair/short hair, young/old, shaved/hairy, large/petite, long legs/short stumpy legs, big arse/no arse, blonde/brunette/ginger, I DON'T CARE. Just as long as they are pretty. A foreign accent helps, especially an Irish one, but is by no means mandatory.

Oh, and two women lezzing off does the trick too.
(Mon 21st Feb 2005, 15:44, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

My mother...
...told me that she was a witch, and that because she had green eyes, she could see around corners. She was actually really convincing, because whenever I was up to something and she was in the next room, she'd shout out "STOP DOING THAT!" and I'd be amazed at her magic eyes. In actual fact, she just used to shout that whenever things went suspiciously quiet. She also knew a single card trick that fooled me for years, also attributed to her green eyes.
(Tue 20th Jan 2004, 14:43, More)