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quarter of a century old.
fuck! already? how did that happen?!

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» Buses

No Other Seats?
As with most of the board members on here so it seems, I attract the weirdos. So much so that it's an on going joke between my friends.

On a sunny day somewhere in London, a friend and I were waiting at a bus stop. We had just missed the previous bus so we were at the front of the queue for the next one. As time went by more people started joining our queue. The (slightly creepy) man standing directly behind me was giving a funny look and couldn't stop staring at me.

Finally the bus came and I jumped on the bus first and ran to the top deck hoping that my friend would follow suit, so we could get away from creepy staring man. But as I sat down in a two person seat and looked up, I see not my friend but the man come towards me. He sit right next to me, looks forward and says nothing.

My friend then follows and stands in front of him and says "er... could you move?".

He looks at me.

"umm.. can you move please?"

He moves and my friend sits down.

WTF? He had the whole double decker bus to choose seats from. It was obvious that me and my friend were going to sit next to each other. What did he think was going to happen?

* wasn't going to post this cause i can't write/tell a story for shit and it was much funnier at the time. but fuck it*
(Thu 2nd Jul 2009, 6:41, More)

» Conned

Big Issue (again)
I always bought (still buy) the big issue if i have spare change, even through my skint student years.

So this one day, i get approached by a vender begging me to buy his last copy so that he could finish for the day. I only had 2 quid on me (on my way to buy some milk) but I figured this guy probably needed the 2 quid more then i needed my milk. So I handed over the money only to have the man ask if he could keep my money AND the last copy to sell again because he needed more money then he had copies to sell.

So flustered by the his cheekiness, i blurted "um yeh ok", turned around and wondered back home milkless and big issueless. It took me a full minute to realise he was probably conning everyone with this 'last copy' scam, but by the time i returned to where he was, he had gone.

I actually really wanted to read that week's issue as well. And i couldn't even have a cup of tea to console myself 'cause tea without milk is just plain disgusting.

(Sun 21st Oct 2007, 16:38, More)

» Guilty Secrets

One day my parents saw some scars I had on my elbows and asked me where they came from. I said I had no clue but were probably from when i was a kid, falling off monkey bars in the playground or something. My dad kept insisting that he had never seen them before, "they have to be new" etc. I just shrugged and he finally changed subject.

They are actually carpet burns :S

Length & Girth? long/big enough to sacrifice my elbows for!
(Fri 31st Aug 2007, 19:27, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

shit hole
me and a mate saw a man SHIT A HOLE THROUGH HIS JEANS at 4am at a London bus stop. Let's just say the smell from the steaming putrid rankness combined with the smell from the near by hotdog stand has put me off hotdogs for life.

How the fuck he shat a hole though his pants i will never know. I just feel sorry for all the passengers of the bus he next staggered onto in his drunken stupor.

(Tue 1st Apr 2008, 11:50, More)

» Conned

one of many. i'm too bloody trusting.
Years ago i was in Victoria station, meeting up with my grandparents who i hadn't seen in a couple of years. As they had not seen my parents or siblings for quiet sometime as well, i obliged by taking out my brand new (birthday pressie) digital camera to show them pictures of said family members.

All of a sudden we were approached by a very distraught looking girl, around about my age at that time (15/16) who asked if she could stand with us for a little while, as she had just run away from an argument with her boyfriend and she was scared he would violently come after her. Being good samaritans, we said of course she could join us and we all sat down, repeatedly asking her what we could do, what her boyfriend looked like, was she ok etc.

After about 5 minutes she abruptly stood up and rushed off mumbling "ive gotta go". It didn't look like there was anything else we could do as she disapeared from sight pretty quickly, so we continued on our way home. Sitting on the train i searched in my bag for my camara to continue where i had left off, only to find out, yep you've guessed it, the little bitch had stolen my brand new camera.

(Sun 21st Oct 2007, 16:17, More)
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