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Eat me.

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Best answers to questions:

» Lies Your Parents Told You

I was the same...
My parents gave me the same answers to my toddler questions they would have given to an adult.

What's that building, Daddy?
It's a mill.
What's a mill?
It's a grindery for the processing of cereal products.

Thus, when it came time for my progress checkup, and the nurse took me to the park asking "Can you see the big duck? And all the baby ducks?" I replied;
"No, because that is a swan, and those are signets."

"You can take him home now." was the responce.
(Fri 16th Jan 2004, 23:22, More)

» Urban Legends

I once believed
that reading four pages of QotW would make my essay do itself.

(Fri 6th Jan 2006, 5:23, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

I work in a sword shop.

Yes, you read it right the first time.
By far the most frequent question I get asked is. "Are these swords real?"

Well, it does appear to be made of fucking metal, doesnt it? How about I ram it through your ribcage, and we'll see, eh? I'm not sure, it might be a friggin hologram! Dipshit.

I hate american tourists.
(Thu 1st Jan 2004, 22:28, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

I was a God
even if I do say so myself. (and so did she. repeatedly).

Kids: don't listen to them. Watch loads of pr0n as early as possible. Pay attention. These people do it for a living. You can't go far wrong ;)
(Sat 5th Mar 2005, 19:00, More)

» Out of my depth

I'm about 16, and I figure maybe it's time I get a job, get some spare cash going. I see an add: New retail store opening in town, seeks part time employees.
So I go along, a 16 year old boy with a CV hand written (in pencil, as I remember) about half a page long, to the interview.

For a girl's high fashion clothing shop (Mango, for those that know it).

If I need to remind you again, I am at this point a 16 YEAR OLD BOY, faced by two twenty-something female interviewers with long blonde hair, pearly white teeth, tight pink tops, and big ole' racks like twin zeppelins trying to get out the same hangar.
I remember they were smiling a lot, and spoke to me very nicely (though it may have been patronizingly, what I haven't blocked out is probably badly distorted).
I'm not sure exactly what happened during the interview, as I've blocked most of it out, but I know it took three months to get my rejection letter.
(Mon 18th Oct 2004, 22:40, More)
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