» I just don't get it

What can I say I'm a thicko
Usually I'm a reasonably astute person but certain things just seem to slip my rational thought:

1. On the bus a couple of months back I saw an advert on a van for Miller Bros. It finally dawned on me, the boyband in the 80s Bros actually stood for the brothers Goss, it wasn't such a weird name after all...

2. This week while watching Coronation Street I heard one of the characters book a taxi. Imagine my surprise when I heard them say the address (Coronation Street just in there is anyone in this world as thick as me!) and I finally worked out why the programme was called so...

I made the mistake of declaring this new found fact to my flatmates and now I will forever be chastised, I guess rightfully so
(Wed 6th Apr 2005, 12:24, More)

» School Sports Day

Spare a thought for the unco-ordinated
I've never been good at sport and I've never been competitive.

I remember not being able to skip when I was a youngun and every year there was a sports day skipping relay event.

After pitiful attempts at the sack race and egg and spoon, during which my mam is in a frenzy, screaming at me to hurry up and beat the other kids (right next to their respective parents, my mother was never an expert at tact), I'm ready to call it a day and have a nice ice lolly.

But no, tis skipping time.

I repeatedly begged my teacher to let me sit this one out as I can't skip only to be told that everyone has to participate.

I ended up running my length of the relay, skipping rope in hand and blubbing like a baby all the way to the other side.

Everyone else could skip, even the boys. I felt a failure as a little girl and a human being...

What made it worse was my Mother rallying me on, then other parents start to take pity on me and they start shouting too, eventually i got a little round of applause when I reached the end, tear-stained and humiliated!!

Ah happy memories...
(Fri 31st Mar 2006, 15:19, More)

» Walkman Flashbacks

Stevie Wonder - "If It's Magic"
I had chronic migraines as a kid, couldn't eat, sleep, move for weeks at a time. To give you an idea of how bad it was the pressure in my head would get so much the blood vessels under my eyes would burst.

Anyhoo my parents used to close the thick curtains in the sitting room, cover the glass door with binbags and play 'Songs In The Key of Life" for me at the very lowest setting.

Hearing "If It's Magic" always reminds of being in a dark room, no light but the hi-fi panel, my parents sleeping on the setee or the floor and me just lying there trying to think about anything but the agony in my head and this song always helped a little.
(Wed 30th Mar 2005, 12:10, More)

» Pretentious bollocks

just plain wierd
I went to the Baltic on Friday to have a little looksee.

Watched this video installation where a guy asked members of the Liverpool housing Association to ask him a question and he would go to Lower World and ask the animal spirits for an answer.

So we is asked by all these old dears to find out if they have have a protector and what it is and thus the madness began...

So he gets keys and ties the to his shoes to make that lovely "jangling" noise and starts gargling water and spitting it on the carpet.

He then disappears into another room, turns on some drumming/chanting tape and appears wearing a full skinned deer, head and all.

After about 10 minutes of bird/dog/animal noises and prancing about like a twat (whilst the old dears go from hysterics to just plain horror) he 'comes down' and proceeds to tell them all about his animal spirit adventures talking to all manner of bird life.

I won't spoil the ending for you all in case you are in the region and fancy checking it out. i didn't know whether to laugh, stroke an imaginary beard or just run away. I chose the former.

Oooh and I saw another video installation there which involved pictures of people pooing into other peoples mouths, from now on I'm staying well away from art, you never get that with Rolf Harris!!
(Tue 4th Oct 2005, 19:17, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

The randomness of Prague
Desperately hungover after a mammoth binge the night before myself and a friend set out to explore prague beyond its bars.

After staggering up the almighty hill to the castle (during which my friend expertly threw up near the gates to the disgust of many American tourists. Double Whammy!)and taking in some rageful european delights we sauntered down the hill only to find the best piece of news we'd heard all week...

Sting is dead

If only it were tue
(Tue 8th May 2007, 0:19, More)