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Silly monkey

MGT, By Thomas Crapper

MGT, By mike woz ere

You are Slackware Linux. You are the brightest among your peers, but are often mistaken as insane.  Your elegant solutions to problems often take a little longer, but require much less effort to complete.
Which OS are You?

You are Smalltalk. You like to treat everyone the same way, but this lack of individuality makes everyone feel like objects.
Which Programming Language are You?


Egg Units are based around the Standard Egg Mass of 56.8g. Fluid measure is based on the volume of the equivalent mass of water. Units are consistently divided into 8, which facilitates conversion between cubic and linear measure, since a doubling in dimensions corresponds to an eightfold increase in volume.

There are also "long units" which are 5/4 of a normal unit, making them 10 of the next smallest unit rather than 8, and "short units", which are 2/3 of a normal unit, or 1/12 of the next biggest unit. Some long and short units have special names.

Egg units possess the desirable quality that the proportions of flour to sugar to butter to eggs in a sponge cake is in the ratio 1:1:1:1, which makes it possible to weigh the ingredients using a set of balancing scales with the required number of eggs on one side. This also ensures a consistent egg proportion irrespective of the natural variation of the sizes of real eggs.

Mass Units

UnitEquivalent toMetric equivalent
Egg8 eggdrams56.8g
Eggpound8 eggs454.4g
Eggstone8 eggpounds3635.2g
Long eggstone10 eggpounds4544.0g

Volume Units

UnitEquivalent toMetric equivalent
Fluid eggdram7.1ml
Eggshot4 fluid eggdrams28.4ml
Long eggshot5 fluid eggdrams35.5ml
Fluid egg8 fluid eggdrams56.8ml
Fluid eggpound8 fluid eggs454.4ml
(Long fluid eggpound)
10 fluid eggs568.0ml
Eggallon8 fluid eggpounds3635.2ml
Long eggallon10 fluid eggpounds
8 eggpints

Linear Units

Linear measure is defined such that a cube of water of side one eggwidth has a mass of one egg.

UnitEquivalent toMetric equivalent (approx.)
(Short eggwidth)
5 1/3 eggshorts25.63mm
Eggwidth8 eggshorts38.44mm
(Long eggwidth)
10 eggshorts48.05mm
Eggfoot8 eggwidths307.52mm
Eggfathom8 eggfeet2.46m
Eggchain8 eggfathoms19.68m
Eggfur8 eggchains157.45m
(Long eggfur)
10 eggchains196.81m
Eggmile8 egglongs1259.60m
Long eggmile10 eggfurs
8 eggfurlongs

Energy, Power, and the Egg Temperature Scale

The unit of energy is the eggerg, defined as the amount of energy required to lift an eggpound by an eggfoot, in a standard gravitational field of 9.80665ms-2. This works out as approximately 1.37035 Joules. An eggtherm is defined as 512 eggergs.

An egghorse is one eggtherm per second, or about 0.94 horsepower. One eggerg per second is an eggmouse.

The temperature scale is defined such that one degree egg is the temperature difference caused by heating an eggpound of water with an eggtherm. With the specific heat capacity of water taken as 4.1855Jg-1K-1, this leads to a degree egg of 0.3689K.

Setting the freezing point of water to zero degrees egg for everyday convenience leads to a boiling point of 271.07°E. Normal human body temperature on this scale is almost exactly 100°E.

On the absolute egg temperature scale, the freezing and boiling points of water are therefore 740.13ºE and 1011.5ºE respectively.

Recent front page messages:

is it just me or have these fancy gourmet crisps gone a bit too far

Click for bigger (153 kb)

(Tue 2nd Jan 2018, 18:43, More)


(Tue 4th Sep 2012, 20:20, More)

Jet Set Willy St Pauls

Click for original size

(Wed 26th Oct 2011, 21:43, More)

(Wed 31st Mar 2010, 19:36, More)

UK road markings explained...

(Thu 1st Jul 2004, 17:31, More)


(Tue 1st Jun 2004, 15:26, More)


Yay! Thanks for the FP!
(Wed 7th Apr 2004, 18:42, More)

Blockbuster Galactica

Click to make bigger.

"I'll have a P please Baltar"

Front page! Woo! I am grateful grapefruit.
(Sat 24th Jan 2004, 17:51, More)

Elephant Cosy

Yay! My first front pager! Thank ye, thank ye.
(Sun 21st Dec 2003, 20:32, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Conspiracy Theories

London's BT Tower
Until the mid-1990s, the building was officially a secret, and did not appear on official maps. Its existence was finally "confirmed" by Kate Hoey, MP, on 19 February 1993: "Hon. Members have given examples of seemingly trivial information that remains officially secret. An example that has not been mentioned, but which is so trivial that it is worth mentioning, is the absence of the British Telecom tower from Ordnance Survey maps. I hope that I am covered by parliamentary privilege when I reveal that the British Telecom tower does exist and that its address is 60 Cleveland Street, London."[1]
(Fri 2nd Dec 2011, 16:16, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

Well this is stupid, but not really a client...
Someone left his dog tied up while he went into a shop (so I suppose he was the shop's client). He tied it to...

A wheelie bin.

It was a big dog.

Have you ever seen a large dog taking a full-size wheelie bin for a walk down a busy high street? I have.
(Thu 1st Jan 2004, 21:56, More)

» Rubbish Towns

And I thought it smelled bad on the outside.
(Thu 29th Oct 2009, 14:42, More)

» The Dark

It was dark.
It was dark and it was raining. Dark, dark rain. I pulled my coat around me against the rain. The rain and the wind. It was windy as well. I had to get there. Get there, before I was too late. That strange message... was it a message? And that thousand year old inscription. A prophecy. Was I going mad? Soon I would find out. They'd warned me about her, but I had to know. Just had to know, you know? You know how it is, when it's dark, and raining, and windy, in the dark windy rain. A streetlamp went out above my head. Not below it, that wouldn't make any sense. Things have to make sense. I just had to make sense of it all. And so I carried on, through the wind and the rain. And the dark. Would I be too late? Too late to stop the prophecy? Was it even a prophecy? Who can tell? Let's find out. I had to hurry, they were after me. Maybe. Who, I don't know, but they might have been, so I had to hurry, you know, just in case.

I arrived there. It was dark. The doors were shut. So I opened them. It was difficult, because they were shut, but I managed it. The handle was cold. And brass. Cold and brass. I turned the cold brass handle and opened the door. I went in. It was dark. She was there.


She was dead. I knew it. I was too late. They'd got there first. Who? The ones out of the prophecy. On the inscription. At least, that's the way it looked. I moved closer. Was she dead? Was she really dead? No. She was asleep. It was dark. Are you still reading this? Fucking hell.
(Sat 25th Jul 2009, 0:27, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Revenge is sweet
I remember breaking a mirror when I was about 3... my Mum said "oh dear, it's seven years bad luck if you break a mirror"... which was quite frightening at the time.

Once, a comedy on the TV said something about "salad dressing that looks like semen", and my brother, who was quite young at the time, asks "what's semen?" And my Mum goes, straight away, "sailors."

Also my Grandmother used to say things like "eat your crusts, it'll make your hair curl" despite the fact that I really didn't want curly hair.

But my Dad was the worst. In particular, April Fools Day, which he observed religiously, was always an absolute nightmare. (He also once tried to convince me corned beef wasn't really made out of meat.) But my brother got his revenge one day...

Anyway, my Dad has this strange tendency to get obsessed with things now and again, and this time it was "stereograms" (you know those 3D pictures). So my brother made a picture on the computer, basically a completely random multicoloured mess. And then told my Dad it was a stereogram.

He stared at it for hours...
(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 17:44, More)
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