b3ta.com user ianisme
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» Hoarding

Many years ago
My company had loaned an electron microscope to the Royal Society for a lecture and had sent me along to install, de-install and keep the thing running. While hanging around in a corridor just outside the main lecture room (the one you see in those Christmas science lectures) I couldn't help but notice a really horrible stink. I started hunting around for the source and eventually found this brown paper bag full of unidentifiable stuff lurking inside a cupboard. I pointed it out to a staff member who informed me it was a pound of liver left there some time previously by one of the geniuses who populate the Royal Society. Nobody had the nerve to remove it, so there it festered. That is until I saw that the coast was clear and proceeded to purge the cupboard of its rank occupant. I like to think that, in my own small way, I have somehow contributed to Britain's continued scientific excellence.
(Tue 8th May 2012, 12:15, More)

» The Police II

Reading these stories
the one thing that strikes me is that most UK cops are pretty decent folk. Some of the things that earned you crims a ticking off would have got you locked up or shot in the USA. It's no wonder that 1% of the American population is in jail. US police could learn a lot from their British counterparts.
(Sun 8th May 2011, 11:44, More)

» Heroes and villains of 2011

So many choices
I'll limit myself to just a few heroes.

1. Japan. I work with many Japanese guys and the way that they and their countrymen dealt with the earthquake and tsunami is a lesson for us all.
2. My new GF. My divorce finalised recently and it's only because I have a girlfriend who isn't a self centered bitch with entitlement issues that I haven't written off all women as a waste of space.
3. The British Army. Never have so few been so overworked and so badly supported by even fewer. Just what drives them to risk their lives at the behest of a bunch of useless politicians?

Now the zeroes.
1. The Daily Mail and all who write for it. To think that some of these people might actually have journalism degrees and yet choose to waste them by reprinting old crap that they stole from the internet/Youtube is just depressing.
2. The French. Just because.
3. Divorce lawyers. Every single one of them is a greedy, useless, lying cunt.
(Fri 30th Dec 2011, 22:22, More)

» Evidence that you're getting old

I know I must be old
Because I have no idea why "the" is being spelled "teh" and, furthermore, I have no desire to find out. I only recently found out what "bling" was and I wish I hadn't bothered.

Oh yeah, and my scrotum is getting bigger.
(Thu 28th Oct 2004, 21:31, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

Air Force intelligence
Most Air Force types are pretty switched on, but occasionally a howler slips through the net. Both of these happened to me years ago, when I was a flight simulator tech posted to Germany.

The routine when repairing a fault is to fill in a form documenting the symptoms, parts used, what you did to fix it etc. This form is then passed on to the Coding Cell, who convert the information into numbers that the computer database can understand. Thats the scene set.

So I'm in the office having a cuppa, when the phone rings. Its one of the young ladies from the coding cell with a few queries about a recent job card.
"Whats the problem" I ask.
"Well, I'm having problems understanding one particular fault symptom; it seems to be something about a black man" she replies. Confusion reigned for a while until I asked her what the symptom actually was.
"No raster on monitor" came the reply. I swear that is true.

Same place and another phone call, this time from a Chief Technician in the RAF Regiment. He's looking for some parts to help construct this very high tech power supply that he's building.
"what do you need?", I ask
"I just need a 74 series chip (the most common type of chip on the planet with lots of different devices available)
"No problem, we've got lots of those. Which type would you like?"
"You mean there are different types?"
Somehow I doubt he ever got that supply to work.

I now work on electron microscopes and we get so many stupid things happening it beggars belief.
One customer had their machine stolen. As far as I know this has never happened ever, anywhere. This machine was the only one of its kind in the country. They are quite big and heavy and require a fair amount of time to remove and install. Two weeks later we get a call from a guy asking for advice about his newly acquired machine, that he bought from a guy called Ali who had it in the back of his truck. No prizes for guessing where that came from. The new "owner" was a well known shady character who didn't think we would notice an enquiry about a unique machine recently stolen from our customer.
(Thu 1st Jan 2004, 1:49, More)
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