» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

My dad called Vic Reeves a "blind twat"
when he asked us if we had seen his daughter who was hiding behind a tree.
Rory McGrath pinched my friend's bum and she called him a "cheeky cunt". He didn't seem that bothered, but then pretty much everyone in Cambridge has insulted him in some way, it's what brings us together as a community.
(Wed 14th Apr 2004, 21:36, More)

» Office Christmas Parties

We are going to our boss's tiny little house
and we all have to cough up £4 for the privilege. Sadly we are all so intrigued as to what kind of porn dungeon he lives in that we are actually going.
Plus there is suggestion of a dancing competition which could be quite horrifying.
(Thu 16th Dec 2004, 19:45, More)

» Scary Neighbours

I Miss Living Opposite a Crackhouse
The police spent a week watching the crackhouse from our living room window and putting up with all the inevitable doughnut jokes from us. When they left, they put the key back in the door along with a £20 note for our kind hospitality. My housemate spent it on pot. Actually the crack dealers were fairly good neighbours- not too noisy and fairly polite. I miss them now as we only have a 6ft6 ladyman who we see about once a week. We thought the beauty salon on the corner was a front for a brothel, but sadly, it's just a beauty salon. Our only solace is the man dressed like a builder who practices his trumpet under the bridge sometimes. Ah Cambridge.
(Tue 30th Aug 2005, 20:24, More)

» How I Skive Off Work

My boss has it worked out
he has 2 desks, one on each floor. If he isn't on our floor, he says he is on the other and vice versa.
Any time he gets caught out because he isn't at either desk, he makes up a fictional meeting with another manager. The other guy works the same scam and they cover for each other.
It's stupid really because pretty much everyone knows about it, but no one high up can be bothered to stop him.
But like the Murphy's...
(Wed 27th Apr 2005, 17:23, More)

» When animals attack...

Our insane gender bending bionic hamster
Doris "take no prisoners" Arse (why shouldn't animals have surnames too?)spent his/her time in captivity lifting weights, crawling upside down on the ceiling of the cage and plotting the break out.
The day it happened,Doris pulled a Houdini out of the cage which was on a shelf about 5 feet off the ground. Undeterred, Doris made the jump and landed on the kitchen floor where he/she was assaulted first by our hermaphrodite cat, then our jack russell but was saved miraculously by my brother.
He handed Doris to me to hold while he fixed the cage and Doris took this opportunity to bite through the side of my finger until her teeth met in the middle. Imagine the scene- me squealing in pain holding an albino hamster wo was covered in my blood and panting in homicidal excitement. I still have the scar but Doris died in her jail cell a year later at a ripe old age having made over a dozen escape attempts and drawn blood from 3 other people. A legend.
(Fri 3rd Jun 2005, 16:50, More)