b3ta.com user UKAC
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Nothing to see here...

Male, not called Dave.

Southern UK, Barman, not very interesting.

Old enough to know better, to drunk to change.

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» Shoplifting

Not technically shoplifting but...
I used to help out a mate (let's call him Mark) of mine who collected scrap cars. One day he comes round to mine to pick up one of my 'dead' bangers from the weekends racing, so we stick that on the back of the lorry and on the way have a look at a Vauxhall that someone had asked him to take.

We eventually find a Gold Vauxhall Cavalier (pay attention this is relevant)in a car park behind some flats in the rabbit warren that is one of the Crawley housing estates.
Problem is there's no keys to be found and we the bloke isn't answering his phone.

Mark comes up with the bright idea of towing it back to the yard behind the lorry with me driving, to be fair it was only a few miles and the car didn't look that bad. So we break in, disable the steeing lock and off we go.
After an eventfull journey (no brakes and very notchy steering)we get back to the yard and decide to have a look in the boot, only to find it full of kids toys, golf clubs and other stuff.

Finally the bloke who's car it is rings back to ask why we haven't taken his car yet....oops, his was a Red Vauxhall Chevette in the next car park along...bugger.

Mark then craps his pants, as he's been a bit of a naughty boy in the past and is well known to the local police, and decides to fess up and phone the local plod. I could actually hear the laughter on the other end of the phone as the rozzers heard the sorry tale. Their advice was 'put it back where you found it...quickly'
So we did.
Apologies for length and all that muck.
(Wed 16th Jan 2008, 17:32, More)

» Insults

You smell, you have no friends and your mum dresses you funny.
I was recently called a "Horseraping thundercunt" by a workmate, there is no reply to that one.
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 15:44, More)

» Near Death Experiences

I used to race bangers/stock cars
Car: Wolseley 1800 Location: Smallfield near Gatwick Airport.
Rolled it going into the corner ended up with the roof pointing down the straight, managed to get out after much effort as I couldn't find the harness release, about 5 seconds later an out of control Jag XJ6 flattened the roof. The steering wheel ended up wedged in the drivers seat and the seat back was smashed off. The roll cage had been pushed through the floor as the whole car was so rotten.
Also, I was a suspected DOA after a motorbike accident. I can't remember a thing about it (or much for two days afterwards), no tunnels or lights, just voices and being very scared and cold. If I had not been wearing the right safety gear I probably wouldn't be here.
(Mon 29th Nov 2004, 18:01, More)