b3ta.com user keef
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» Clients Are Stupid

Problem Server
Our company supplies small LANs to our clients, and we retain admin rights & remotely support the servers (not that we don't trust them or anything...)

Support keep a score of the daftest calls received. Winner at the moment is this one:
"We've got a problem with the server!"
"OK, can you tell me what's wrong?"
"Well, it's overheated & set light to the curtains. What shall we do?"
"Errrr.... get a fire extinguisher?!"
(Mon 29th Dec 2003, 9:43, More)

» Breakin' The Law

Edinburgh Poliss
I was hitching just south of Embra, stuck on a roundabout being ignored by every passing driver. Along comes a police motorcyclist. "Here we go" I thought "he's going to move me on.
Which was true, but not in the way I thought:
"Whurr ye goin, son?"
"No gettin very far, are ye?"
"Hawd on a sec..."
He got off the bike, stood at the side of the road, & flagged down the next lorry.
"There ya go, sonny."

(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 13:13, More)

» Shoddy Presents

Rich Aunty
One of my aunts is fairly rich - £1 million plus, I reckon. Here are some of the presents she's sent our family:

To me - A ladies leather key fob, quite obviously one of her old ones.
Again me - A set of ladies hankerchiefs - at least these were still in the box, unopened.
To my sister - the end of a roll of curtain material (sis doesn't sew or anything like that).
My brother & his wife - A set of place mats ("Only been married 3 years, we haven't got round to buying PLACE MATS yet!" said my sis-in-law).

And the last birthday card she sent me featured cartoon animals and a rhyme about 'these jungle friends have come to wish you Happy Birthday!'. I'm 41.
(Thu 23rd Sep 2004, 11:37, More)

» My Worst Vomit

Recycled pizza
This was just after graduating, and I'd gone to stay with a couple of ex med-student mates; now fresh keen junior doctors working their magic in the NHS. Despite working 100 hour weeks (or probably because of...) they were still up for an evening of strong drink, copping off with nurses and late-night junk food.

We got back to one of the rooms in the doctors' residence, which handily featured a sink, as one doctor proceded to regurgitate his pepperoni pizza. Casting a professional eye over his stomach contents, which were now blocking the sink, he observed that the pepperoni pieces were undigested and so started picking them out and re-eating them...

He's now a Consultant of Public Health, by the way.
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 11:49, More)

» People with Stupid Names

Doctors' names
I used to work for an agency which sent locums to hospitals. We had one called Dr Shirt. We sent him to replace a Dr Hanger, working for a consultant called Mr Wardrobe.

Another time I employed a Dr Wong in one team. Not too unusual. Except there was already a Dr Wong in the team. The consultant complained that this could cause confusion. I said we had a Dr White available - but two Wongs don't make a White. He smiled. Slightly.
(Thu 26th Aug 2004, 14:14, More)
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