» Shoddy Presents

Many moons ago...
My uncle is usually alright at choosing presents - on the occasions that he remembers birthdays and christmases he usually gives us money, and you can never go wrong giving money! - but one christmas a long time ago - when shell suits were in fashion (for all of 5 minutes) - me and my brother had said that we wanted shell suits for xmas.

We received Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle tracksuits.

Nice one!
(Thu 23rd Sep 2004, 12:53, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Nothing
I regret nothing!






But i cant remember anything either!
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 14:06, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

My mate ...
My mates had all been mushroom picking in the morning before this party we were going to. And picked a shit load - maybe a couple of 1000.

So obviously they all take big bags of 'shrooms to this party. Except that by the time they get there one of my friends (we'll call him A) has eaten all of his, and half an hour or so later decides he needs to go for a walk. Being kind and concerned friends we dispatch someone to keep an eye on him (who we'll call J). Which J does by stalking him - hiding behind parked cars/trees/fences - and jumping out on A.

Serves A right for eating all the 'shrooms!
(Fri 16th Dec 2005, 12:35, More)

» Injured Siblings

Baby go bye bye...
This is a much better question of the week than last week!

When my brother was barely 6 months old my mum had put him at the top of our (steeply sloped) garden in his pram. Which i then took the brakes off. And watched him flying down the garden. Into the wall of the house at the bottom.

Another one - when my brother was tiny he used to have one of these bouncey harness things that fit in a door frame. I found out that i could pull it back and let go - thus firing him like a catapult.

Anybody think i didn't want a brother?

Oh yeah, and my dad used to sit in the roof of his garage when he was a kid and drop darts onto a dartboard below. One day his brother walked underneath, so he dropped a dart onto him instead. It stuck in his head, and as he was running in to tell their mum my dad was running behind him trying to knock it out.

b
(Thu 18th Aug 2005, 15:15, More)

» Urban Legends

re: if your not a manc your a wank
I heard a similar one:

A friend of a friend was shopping in oxford street, when an elderly arab guy in front of him drops his wallet. This friend of a friend - being a kind sort of chap - picks the wallet up and runs after the old guy to return it.

The arab guy was extremely thankful, and asked this friend of a friend if he could be of any assistance - to which this friend of a friend politely declined.

The elderly arab guy makes to walk off, but the turns round and says "You've been so kind to me, let me just give you a piece of advice - avoid birmingham."

This friend of a friend is a bit shook up by this, and replies "why? is there going to be a bomb?"

The arab guy says "no, its a shithole!"

edit: Doh! Legless beat me to it.
(Sat 7th Jan 2006, 12:18, More)