Profile for Boris_the_Pig:
Work for a MAJOR aerospace company...
I don't fly anywhere anymore...
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- a member for 20 years, 3 months and 9 days
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- has posted 9 stories and 1 replies on question of the week
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Work for a MAJOR aerospace company...
I don't fly anywhere anymore...
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Now, there was no need for that...
More A&E madness...
First, I have nothing but respect for the medical staff working in our countries glorious NHS, however some of the staff...
Barbecue round at mine, throwing together some potato salad for people when knife slips whilst chopping chives. Removes top 10mm of my ring-finger (not completely, still hanging on by a few shreds of 'tissue'. Blood everywhere, friend comes to see what's up, passes out on the floor. Wrap tea-towel round end of finger, which promptly turns red and starts dripping. Trip to casualty for me (and friend). Arrive at 'reception'
Receptionist: What's wrong with you then?
Me: I have cut my finger very badly.
Receptionist: Can I take a look?
Me: I don't think that's a good idea, you see it is bleeding rather profusely.
Receptionist: I really do neet to look.
Me: OK...
I unwrap the blood sodden tea-towel and proceed to spray, drip, smear blood everywhere, over the glass, all over her notes, desk and PC screen.
Receptionist: Now look what a mess you've made.
Me:...
I did warn her that there was profuse bleeding didn't I?
Receptionists... Bah.
(Mon 20th Jun 2005, 16:03, More)
More A&E madness...
First, I have nothing but respect for the medical staff working in our countries glorious NHS, however some of the staff...
Barbecue round at mine, throwing together some potato salad for people when knife slips whilst chopping chives. Removes top 10mm of my ring-finger (not completely, still hanging on by a few shreds of 'tissue'. Blood everywhere, friend comes to see what's up, passes out on the floor. Wrap tea-towel round end of finger, which promptly turns red and starts dripping. Trip to casualty for me (and friend). Arrive at 'reception'
Receptionist: What's wrong with you then?
Me: I have cut my finger very badly.
Receptionist: Can I take a look?
Me: I don't think that's a good idea, you see it is bleeding rather profusely.
Receptionist: I really do neet to look.
Me: OK...
I unwrap the blood sodden tea-towel and proceed to spray, drip, smear blood everywhere, over the glass, all over her notes, desk and PC screen.
Receptionist: Now look what a mess you've made.
Me:...
I did warn her that there was profuse bleeding didn't I?
Receptionists... Bah.
(Mon 20th Jun 2005, 16:03, More)
» Pure Ignorance
What's French for...
This tale was regailed to me by a friend, so I 'overheard' it second hand.
Anyway, him and his mate were in a knocking shop somewhere in France, his mate has a French tart on each knee whilst they are variously carressing him. Mate asks him which of the young ladies he's likely to take upstairs. He turns toward my mate and utters the immortal "I want both of them, what's French for 'menage a trois?'"
Mate still laughs when anyone starts a sentance with the phrase "What's French for..."
(Tue 11th Jan 2005, 16:47, More)
What's French for...
This tale was regailed to me by a friend, so I 'overheard' it second hand.
Anyway, him and his mate were in a knocking shop somewhere in France, his mate has a French tart on each knee whilst they are variously carressing him. Mate asks him which of the young ladies he's likely to take upstairs. He turns toward my mate and utters the immortal "I want both of them, what's French for 'menage a trois?'"
Mate still laughs when anyone starts a sentance with the phrase "What's French for..."
(Tue 11th Jan 2005, 16:47, More)
» Job Interviews
Salty?
I once had a job interview where the questions were just bizarre, and aimed at 'profiling me psychologically' rather than actually finding out whether or not I could do the work...
The worst/best question was:
'Do things taste salty to you'
WTF? err, salty things do? how can you answer this question, and what the hell does it have to do with a position as an R&D engineer with an aerospace company?
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 10:29, More)
Salty?
I once had a job interview where the questions were just bizarre, and aimed at 'profiling me psychologically' rather than actually finding out whether or not I could do the work...
The worst/best question was:
'Do things taste salty to you'
WTF? err, salty things do? how can you answer this question, and what the hell does it have to do with a position as an R&D engineer with an aerospace company?
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 10:29, More)
» Office Christmas Parties
Historical Quakers
Well, the original founders of the company I work for were Quakers. No Christmas celebrations. At all. Ever. We get a 'bonus' paid sometime in March (which this year is heading towards a massive £100). Also, the management take great pleasure in telling us that the £5000 they would have spent on our Christmas 'meal' (in the canteen, complete with dead pigeons in the extractor hoods) has been given to the local charity, so the MD can get his leering mug in the local rag...
Also, since last year they also decided to have a 'factory shutdown' between Christmas and new year, which doesn't sound bad, until you discover they've stolen OUR holiday to have the shutdown. Those of us that have no holiday remaining? No problem, they've just taken it out of next years allowance...
(Mon 20th Dec 2004, 11:03, More)
Historical Quakers
Well, the original founders of the company I work for were Quakers. No Christmas celebrations. At all. Ever. We get a 'bonus' paid sometime in March (which this year is heading towards a massive £100). Also, the management take great pleasure in telling us that the £5000 they would have spent on our Christmas 'meal' (in the canteen, complete with dead pigeons in the extractor hoods) has been given to the local charity, so the MD can get his leering mug in the local rag...
Also, since last year they also decided to have a 'factory shutdown' between Christmas and new year, which doesn't sound bad, until you discover they've stolen OUR holiday to have the shutdown. Those of us that have no holiday remaining? No problem, they've just taken it out of next years allowance...
(Mon 20th Dec 2004, 11:03, More)
» Breakin' The Law
Not me, but a friend who's a cop...
In Liverpool, sitting in a riot van (luckily in the front, rather than in the back with 11 other sweating guys in full gear). Quiet Saturday night, not much happening, until a small crowd starts to gather. Extremely drunnk guy and his bird have stumbled out of a pub/bar. He goes down like a sack of spuds and mashes his face into the ground...blood everywhere from his Roman Nose (it was roamin' all over his face...). Mate radios local 'standby' ambulance to come and take a look. Woman comes over to van and bangs on the window. Mate winds down window to have abuse generally hurled at him. Rolls window back up. Woman continues beating on the window, so he rolls it down again. She points at her husband/boyfriend/punter and starts screaming that there's blood everywhere and he's going to die.
Mate:'What do you want me to do about it?'
Woman (screaming at the top of her voice in best Liverpuddlian accent 'FIX HIM'
Mate has to close window whilst entire van bursts into hysterical laughter...
(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 11:43, More)
Not me, but a friend who's a cop...
In Liverpool, sitting in a riot van (luckily in the front, rather than in the back with 11 other sweating guys in full gear). Quiet Saturday night, not much happening, until a small crowd starts to gather. Extremely drunnk guy and his bird have stumbled out of a pub/bar. He goes down like a sack of spuds and mashes his face into the ground...blood everywhere from his Roman Nose (it was roamin' all over his face...). Mate radios local 'standby' ambulance to come and take a look. Woman comes over to van and bangs on the window. Mate winds down window to have abuse generally hurled at him. Rolls window back up. Woman continues beating on the window, so he rolls it down again. She points at her husband/boyfriend/punter and starts screaming that there's blood everywhere and he's going to die.
Mate:'What do you want me to do about it?'
Woman (screaming at the top of her voice in best Liverpuddlian accent 'FIX HIM'
Mate has to close window whilst entire van bursts into hysterical laughter...
(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 11:43, More)