b3ta.com user Mr. Tea
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This is my b3ta trump, with illustration by The Neville:

I wouldn't mind betting this is the only image ever posted on b3ta that was made with LaTeX:

Yay for adverts that inadvertantly promote gaymo bumsexualism!

Recent front page messages:

So, yeah.

(Thu 18th Jun 2015, 13:31, More)

Well it amused me and that's the main thing.

(Tue 5th May 2015, 12:05, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Acting out your fantasies

Fantasies, eh?
Well there was this one time Margaery Tyrell noshed me off while Cersei and Danaerys had an oily naked catfight to see who got to do me next.

(It was a dead heat, so they had to take turns on me.)
(Mon 17th Feb 2014, 15:45, More)

» "Well, that escalated quickly"

Was in the taxi rushing to pick up some last-minute Christmas shopping.
I thought a toy gun would be a great present for a young nephew of mine.

Boy, was that ever a bad idea!
(Thu 9th Jan 2014, 15:12, More)

» Bizarre leaps of logic

This happened a few years ago, when I guess Pete Doherty was in the public eye a bit more often than he is these days.
I was walking down Mile End Road near where I lived at the time, wearing a black hat and a blazer-type jacket. Now there is a certain sort of fuckhead who seems to think that Pete Doherty somehow invented wearing hats, so that any male wearing a hat consequently looks like, and perhaps even has deliberately chosen to emulate, the smack-addled former Libertine.

Anyway, this guy walking past me yells something which I think was intended to be "Oi mate, you look like Peter Doherty!" But what he actually said was "Oi mate, you look like Pete Burns!"

Oh dear, I've accidentally left the house looking exactly like Pete Burns! How on earth did that happen?!?
(Mon 16th Dec 2013, 15:27, More)

» Acting out your fantasies

I once gave a girl an orgasm using my big toe in the middle of a busy, fairly well-lit restaurant.
It was quite funny watching her pretend not to come. Basically the opposite of faking it. She was doing quite well but a smirk from one of the waiters indicated that we may not have gone totally undetected.

This doesn't really count as acting out a fantasy as it wasn't something I'd really thought about before, but it was kind of cool.
(Thu 20th Feb 2014, 12:59, More)

» Acting out your fantasies

I had sex once.
It was OK.
(Mon 17th Feb 2014, 14:36, More)
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