b3ta.com user chazz
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Canadian b3tan, been reading the FP and odd contest threads for a year now... I am in awe, frankly, never had anything witty enough to post.

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Best answers to questions:

» Mugged

Not me but a friend at uni...
Used to knit chain mail for the local Society for Creative Anachronism (people who like to get together at weekends and pretend they are knights errant or something). It's gotten late at the jousts, and he doesn't have time to strip off the mail or the sword, so he just puts on his cloak and heads for the subways.

Little mugger comes up to him on the platform (in the days before CCTV), and says, "I've got six inches of steel here that says you'll give me all your money."

Friend leans into the knife (chainmail, remember?) then opens the cloak to show a hand on the sword hilt, says, "I'll see your 6 and raise you 20."

Little mugger turns much paler and quietly vanishes.
(Fri 16th Jun 2006, 8:23, More)

» Petty Sabotage

Computers can be evil
1. Find | Files or folders named *.exe
2. Ctrl/A (Select all)
3. Enter

Bonus points if you can get someone to do this while you are coaching them over the phone. Tech support my arse.
(Thu 5th May 2005, 6:55, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Not terribly strange, here...
Let's see... Three of them really stand out in my memory.

Mr. Gidney. Eccentric as heck, taught with a passion (when he was allowed to -- it was far too easy to piss him off), lovely guy... well, having read Harry Potter, I can't help seeing him as a younger version of Dumbledore.

M. Medina. One of those "horrible India-rubber men", he was supposedly trained by the French Foreign Legion. Looked like he stepped out of a Charles Atlas ad -- broad shoulders, narrow waist, muscles on his muscles, but only about 5'6" tall. When he got angry, he would throw things. Chalk-board erasers, chalk, and apparently at least once a student's desk. He later romanced and married the math teacher from the girls' side of the school, and is still working there some twenty years on... and so is she.

The original math teacher, Mr. Bachmann. A true sadist, he would beat up on the kids for no reason while we were trying to work in his classroom. He weighed about 300 lbs, had a thick German accent and a little black moustache on his jowly face... looked a bit like Sgt. Schultz after a jolly-ectomy. He only seemed happy when one of his students was screaming in pain. We used to call him Backmann Turner Overweight... until he found out. I can't say who paid the price for that... I wasn't there. But I heard it.

Not as good as many on here... but they did make an impression on me. Even if there were no scars.
(Wed 9th Nov 2005, 22:40, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Mer'kans?
Lived on the shores of Lago Maggiore (the Italian side) for about half a year. Lovely place... but periodically a giant tour bus would huff up to the Plaza, and out would roll this huge batch of obese, sweaty, loud, self-centred...

Germans.

Yes, the Ugly American is a stereotype, and I'm not saying it doesn't exist... but you know? It can happen to any country.
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 21:13, More)

» Petty Sabotage

Computers again...
Found this lovely bit of busted code in Windows 95 and 98. It's really great for sabotaging co-workers who are on a network.

Assume your victim has file and printer sharing installed, and has shared the C: drive; or fiddle his computer so his C: drive is shared.

From another computer, connect to his drive; say, your drive X: is his drive C:.

Open a command window and type:

dir x:a???????*.*

(that's seven hooks and a star dot star after the letter a). His computer will crash. Hard.

Works with all variants of Windows 95 and Windows 98. Windows ME, it puts up a blue screen saying the server process has crashed and asks if you want to restart it.

After I discovered this in '96, I told Microsoft about it. They never fixed it.
(Sat 7th May 2005, 1:35, More)
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