» The last thing that made me cry

Kitty
When i was about 8 or 9 we got this tiny little kitten, we let it out one night when it was about 3 or 4 months, it stayed out all night, something it had never done before.

The next morning when i got up i opened the door to shout him in he was lying at the door. He was in alot of pain so we immediately took him to the vets and i went to school. I got called to the school reception about lunchtime and my mum was there, she took me up to the vet and i could see by looking at her sommit was wrong.

When we got there the vet showed us into the holding bit and i saw him lying in one of those cages with a tube coming out of his side and looking very poorly.

She told me that they were going to have to put it down because its bowels had been twisted and it had internal damage which they said seemed to come from several sharp blows or what they thought was definately kicks...

i could have cried then but i didnt, i kissed my kitty and told him it would be okay and he would be fine and i was shown out, a couple of mins later my mum came out crying and i knew that was it, they had put him down.

i took the rest of the day off school and cried alot in my bedroom out of sadness and anger because what kind of fuckign idiot would do that!!!

i still get angry thinking about it 11 years on.

:*(

Sorry for length etc etc etc
(Sat 16th Apr 2005, 18:32, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

Schneeeky
well then...

As soon as i get in to work every single day i load up QOTW and resize it to fit Outlook as posted by someone i cannot find again.

When im in the shower i blow my nose into my hand and wash it away, sometimes i also take a piss but thats only if im tired and cant be arsed to piss before going for a shower.

after schniftering a few lines of devils dandruff i take great pleasure in removing the cokesnot.

Taking a dump with the door open is another good one... Further to that my friend does this totally rank thing when he is taking a shit, i have labelled this "HOT BOXING" and basically when he sits down to crap, he stretches his t-shirt over his knees so all aroma collects and he can smell his own shit, its fuckign grotesque and i take the piss out of him constantly for it.

If my flatmate is out i pump the drum and bass and dance around like a complete arsehole often trying to better the efforts of Mc Eksman,Skibadee,Shabba D etc, i sound like a pure pillock but when i listen to Blood Red Throne, Vital Remains (or death metal etc) i sing (read: death growl) along but thats not bad cos i do that in my band

Talk to myself, or sing rather. For example if im going to make a cup of tea before i smoke a bong i will sing exactly that

"going to make, a cup of tea, before i smoke my boooooong" ( I have been caught doing this while cooking some tomato soup singing I LIKE SOUP, I LIKE SOUP... to the tune of that Red Hot Chilli Peppers song - I Like Dirt )

any more i think of i will add. now its time for my break... :D
(Thu 7th Apr 2005, 13:59, More)

» Shame

Oops.
Today, while reading the latest posts at work, I sat up to have a good stretch. Along with my groan of contentness I also forced out a clearly audible fart featuring a rather violent smell. None of the 4 people who sit round me said anything.

There is no way that they didn't hear it...

Gutted.
(Thu 1st Dec 2005, 13:18, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

Was Pretty Farkin Good
Well. When i was (just turned)17 i was seeing my first proper...(or was that just first..probably) girlfriend, both 17, she had her own flat, after about 6 months of "investigating" and "getting to know her" one night while she was singing on the mutton kareoke(sp!) she said she felt it was time...

i shit myself(not literally) and made up every excuse in the book not to go through with it. For the next month or so, when we were in bed doing shit, she would always ask, are you ready.

well finally.. i gave in...

Candles were litten.

a Towel was placed under her (such careful young souls we didnt want to leave any evidence incase her landlord found out his old shitty mattress had been used to break her in)
i got some good head.

Then the jonny came out.

she slapped it on for me.

I Fumbled about and finally found my way in, i heard a small click followed by warmth and away we went. for about 40 minutes or sommit (i forget).

I Bust a nut, She came(rather loud i might add, she was good at being loud) . We both cleaned up while laughing about how "it was finally done" She went and made us a drink. I skinned up, had a Bong (or 2), smoked said spliff, finished our tasty beveridge, then went back for more.

Ahh it was good, i do miss sex with her, but i still keep in touch and we are quite close but she is busy away at uni, im sure i will be there again.

I would appologise for length, but you would laugh and ask why :*(
(Wed 9th Mar 2005, 19:47, More)

» Accidental innuendo


In my home town there's a landscaping company called "Hole Quest".

Gets me every time.
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 13:43, More)